Comeback

13 - Life

Sanem

- Come back to me Sanem, lütfen aşkım, please my love -

I dreamed several times of hearing his voice telling me this, asking me to come back to him. Those words, spoken in such a sweet and heartfelt voice, moved something, touched a deep note in my soul that tells me I need to find my way back to the world that awaits me out there.

Something is changing in me, my mind that until now had lived and fed only on representations of him, of us, of our love is slowly beginning to register the light and warmth of the sun on long afternoons in the garden, the voices of the nurses and, in particular, the voice of a lady who often comes to sit on the bench with me, she talks, talks, talks, talks, I can not follow everything she says but I perceive the serenity and freshness of her tone.
She calms me and reassures me almost as only the voice of my albatross in my dreams can do.

Tonight the pills that usually allow me to fall asleep in a few minutes don't seem to have any effect, it must be that I feel excited because in the afternoon I imagined him again in the garden, he was so beautiful with his simple clothes and sunburnt skin.
I looked at him for a long time and he looked at me for a long time, there was no need for words, between us there was never any need.
He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back, I hadn't smiled in a long time, I felt like the muscles in my face didn't remember how to do it.
His eyes lit up with love and caused me a thrill of excitement of the kind I thought I had forgotten.

I'm in my bed and I'm thinking about that smile, I can't get it out of my mind, in the ward everything is silent, the room is almost completely dark and silent until I hear a slight rustling, I think I imagined it, but then I feel a light touch on my hand, I can't tell if I'm awake or dreaming. It's him, it's my albatross who has returned to me, he places a light kiss on my forehead and strokes my hair, it seems as if he's holding his breath and I do what I've dreamed of doing all these nights, I reach out a hand in the dark and place it on his cheek.

- Can aşkım, my love, have you come back to me? -

- Yes Sanem aşk, love, I came back to you and I will never leave, I will never leave you again I promise, but it is you now who must come back to me, I would love to see again the cheerful Sanem I fell in love with.
Will you do it for me? -

- Yes Can, you know I would do anything for you, don't be angry please, I regretted the words I said to you that night at the hospital, forgive me, I didn't mean them. Lütfen, please-

- I forgave you everything Sanem, there's nothing to talk about.

Seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much, please be my carefree and joyful erken kuş again-.

His words, the sincere and profound tone in which he said them prompted me to sit on the bed and hold him tightly in a desperate embrace.
We stayed so long until, tired and overcome with emotion, I lay down while he continued to hold my hand, stroking the back of it gently with his thumb.

What a wonderful dream it had been, intense and vivid as I had never experienced before, I woke up the next morning with a different vital energy, I watched the light filtering through the curtains at the window, I heard the sounds of people moving in the corridor and, for the first time, I saw and smiled at the nurse who came in with the breakfast trolley.

It's all so strange, I feel like I've slept for a long time and woke up after an endless sleep still unable to perceive things clearly, but finally I feel like I can breathe, I feel like I can formulate an accomplished thought, I feel like I'm coming back to life.