Comeback

24 - I can't lose her

Can

I had been waiting for her all afternoon, Mihriban had told me he didn't know where she had gone, he had even tried to call her but she didn't answer the phone.

I was starting to get worried, it was the first time she had left the estate and it seemed very strange to me that she was away for so long, maybe she had gone to her parents but how could I know for sure? I had to stay calm, soon she would be back I was sure.

I waited for a long time hiding among the trees near the main gate of the estate, it was now dark and I was getting more and more impatient and worried.

Finally the sound of a car, a cab stops in front of the property and she gets out, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief, she is back and there is nothing to fear.

She passes by me and I can see her clearly for a moment when the moonlight filters through the branches and illuminates her face.
My heart stops for a moment, her expression is absent, her movements are rigid, it seems as if the Sanem I saw in the first days at the clinic has returned.
I start to get decidedly worried again.

I follow her and I see that not only does she not go through Mihriban's house, as she usually does at night before going to sleep, but she doesn't even stop at her cottage, she heads straight for the pier as if she were in a trance-like state.

I continue to follow her in anguish, I watch her walk wearily up the pier and I can now see her profile from a distance, it seems to me that she is crying.

Then in an instant...

My heart threatens to jump out of my chest, I see her put a foot wrong and disappear into the sea beyond the planks of the pier, I feel a shiver of terror run through me.
I start running at breakneck speed, I get to the planking and while I run, I take off a shoe, then another and always running I try to take off as many clothes as possible to avoid ending up both sucked by the weight of our wet clothes.
I dive to the spot where I think I saw her disappear.
The impact with the icy water is tremendous, but the adrenaline rushing through my veins almost doesn't make me feel the discomfort.
As I swim to the bottom I look around, I can't spot her.
Desperation is almost blinding me, I can't lose her now, I can't lose my precious Sanem right now that she was coming back to life, I can't live without her smiles, without her wonderful dimples. If that were the case I would rather die there with her at that moment.

All this goes through my mind in the frantic moments when my lungs are running out of air and I don't want to waste precious seconds to go back to the surface to get more.
Terror is devastating me when, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of something white reflecting the moonlight that manages to reach that depth.
With a desperate push of my legs I change direction and head for that spot, there she is, it's the white of the blouse she's wearing under her coat that guided me to her.
Her beautiful hair floats around her face, her eyes are closed, her arms abandoned at the sides of her body.

Oh Allah, let it not be too late!

I take her hand and pull her to me and then swim to the surface with all the strength I can must pull her out now, it can't be too late.

My love, hold on, lütfen, please!

We emerged when I no longer had any residual oxygen in my lungs, I held her tightly to me and swam as fast as I could towards the pier and hoisted her up onto the boards with all the strength in my arms.
She is unconscious, completely abandoned in her movements.

More and more terrified, I hoist myself onto the dock and begin to slap her, she continues to show no sign of life, my heart is beating at an impossible rate, my hands are shaking, my eyes are unknowingly filling with tears.

Oh Allah, please help her.

I give her mouth-to-mouth respiration and cardiac massage as I learned to do in the first aid courses I had to take to prepare for the international missions I participated in.

Eternal moments pass without her reacting.

- Sanem, Sanem, lütfen, please come back to me, aşkım, my love, come back to me.
Sanem... Sanem-

I don't realize how much time is passing, it seems like an eternity....

Oh Allah, I can't live without her.

- Sanem, lütfen -

- Sanem aşkım-

- Sanem -

Then, in an instant, after months and months ...

I find myself staring into the eyes of the woman I love more than my own life.