◇Psych Ward Lovers◇

004

Olivia...

The three days before I went to go visit billie were horrible, when I arrived back at the house with all my stuff and I went into my old bedroom it was trashed and my parents had clearly gone through it all but I had nothing to hide in there, when I first stepped through the door I knew this was the start of my old life again.

After I left billie at the mental hospital I got the bus home, I felt so heartbroken having to leave there knowing how much she hated it there. I just wish I was able to stay there with her for longer.

"Olivia! Your room's a fucking mess!" I mom cmshouted at me as I walked in from seeing billie "where were you!" My dad shouted from the couch "you're the ones that messed up my room! And I went to go visit billie!" I shouted back, I had told them about billie on the day I came back, I toldthem about how much I missed her an wanted to visit her as much as possible, they didn't care at all as usual.

"Dont you dare shout at us Olivia!" My dad shouted back at me "why are you even wasting your time on that schizophrenic freak" he rolled his eyes at me "shes not a fucking freak, shes just like everyone else!" Him talking about billie made me furious but he kept on insulting her "Olivia what dont you get, shes all fucked up in the head!"

We continued shouting at each other which ended up with me getting a slap in the face from him, I didn't understand what he had against, it was probably just that she makes me so happy and he doesn't like that.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day I didn't want to leave my four walls, I'd only leave them for billie.

A fe hours past and I got a knock at my door then I heard my mom shout from behind it "Olivia me and your dad are going out, we'll be back later!" Her voice sounded slurred but also semi-clear at the same time.

I waited a a while before leaving my room to make sure they were gone, I went to the kitchen because I hadn't eaten all day.

When I reached the kitchen I searched through all the draws and cabinets for any kind of food. I found nothing that was good to eat but I did found a knife.

As soon as I opened the draw full of cutlery I started getting those dark thoughts, this time billie would be able to just walk into the room at the right time to pull me out of horrible thoughts.

Billie doesn't care about you...

Shes acting like she cares because she knows you need her...

She'll never feel the same way about you...

You're so useless...

You're alone right now...

Do it

No one will miss you

Do it!

Not even billie

Do it!!

So stop be a pussy

DO IT NOW!!

My thoughts had gotten the best of me.

I picked up the biggest knife I could see.

I took a few deep breaths before placing the knife on my skin.

Tears streamed down my face as I pressed blade into my skin instantly drawing blood.

It hurt but at the same time it released so much pain and hate I had for this world.

Keep cutting

You know you love the pain

Go deeper

I kept cutting and cutting until I realised how much I had actually done to my arm, I panicked and dropped the knife to the ground, I rushed towards the bathroom and grabbed a bunch of tissues.

I sat down on the edge of the bath and held tissues down on the cuts, I then grabbed any kinds of band aids from the bathroom cabinet to cover up the cuts.

Once I had stopped the bleeding I walked back up to the kitchen, the knife was cover in blood in a little pool of blood "shit! they're gonna be back soon!" I quickly rummage through some of the cabinets under the sink to get bleach.

I managed to clean up before my parents got hom then I just waited in my room to see if they would notice anything.

-

"Name please?" The receptionist at the hospital said to me "Olivia Miller" I replied back to her and she smiled "yes of course, you're here to see billie, billie eilish" I nodded and smiled back "you know she really likes seeing you, she talks about you all the time" I let out a soft laugh.

We talked for a little bit she told me about how billies mood would completely change when I came to visit but eventually one of the men came to take me down to the visiting room.

I walked into the room and sat down to wait for billie to get brought down.

A couple minutes past and a few more men walked in with billie in the middle of them, I stood up as soon as I saw her feeling the instant rush of joy.

"Hey bil, how have you been?" I said softly as I felt Billie's warm arms wrap themselves around me, when I felt her touch I completely melted into her.

"I missed you liv!" Billie replied back into my neck as she held onto me "liv?" She glanced back at me "I can call you that right?" I nodded and smiled at her "of course billie" billie then smiled back and we sat down at the table together.

As we were talking billie held her hand out across the table and I went to take her hand when my sleeves rose up revealing my arm. Billies eyes darted down at my wrist that had a couple bandages but you could still see the cuts.

"What's that?" She pointed to my arm, I looked down and pulled my arm back in "it's nothing bil, so how cher-" I was cut off by billie starting to mutter to herself "I know what that it, why?" She gave me a dead serious look "billie its nothing, dont worry about me"

She started to twitch meaning she was most likely about to have an episode, I didn't want billie to her to get dragged away into a tiny enclosed room to 'learn a lesson'.

I got up and quickly pulled a chair up next to billie so I could try and help her.

I wrapped an arm around her and pulled he into to me just like I did last time to help her control her episode.

After some time I managed to calm billie down and I promised her I wouldn't do anything I would regret, I knew promising her that would give me the motivation to try harder.