◇Psych Ward Lovers◇

038

Olivia...

Since Brandon showed up and did what he did I was left alone in the house for hours because the others were with Billie to get her new set of medications for her schizophrenia. I crawled out of Billies bed and draped any of shirt that was lying on the floor and I put it on, as soon as I put it on Billies vanilla scent hit me cheering me a little bit.

I stood up and slowly made my way out of her room, I just wandered around with nothing to do until I eventually built up my courage to take a shower, I dont know why I could do it earlier I just felt like something was stopping me.

I took the shower and it was okay, I made the mistake of thinking about Billie to only find myself scrubbing my skin roughly with a cloth and body wash because I felt so guilty and like I'd basically cheated on her.

After that shower I changed into some of Billies sweatpants and one of her hoodies because they smelt like her and I just layed in my own bed crying because of everything that had just happened to me.

After a while of crying I fell asleep for a few more hours until i heard claudia calling everyone for dinner, I hadn't seen anyone yet and I couldn't face any of them yet but just as I was thinking that Billie came in and smiled at me.

"Hey liv" she said happily as she came over to me bed and gave me a little kiss on the cheek "you're so cute when you're sleepy" she laughed and pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

"Oh anyways dinner is ready" she smiled and held onto my hands, I looked down and thought about it for a  moment "I'm not really hungry at the moment bil" I felt even more guilty for lying to all of them but I didn't have the strength to get up at the moment.

Billie nods and places and light kiss on my forehead before getting up, as soon as she left I started crying again, I was crying because of everything, I was lying to her and the others and that destroyed me because once before i had promised billie I'd never lie to her and here I am keeping the truth but it would break her heart.

-

2 weeks went by so fast but that's mainly because I spent it cooped up in my room, I refused to come out ever, I hardly ate at all, I just layed in bed crying all day and when someone knocked I told them to leave me alone. Absolutely everything I did made me feel guilty and like I was in the wrong for it.

I had constant nightmares of Brandon coming back and kidnapping me or killing the others or taking them, all kinds of horrifying scenarios like that, that would make me wake up all sweaty and out of breath.

I wanted to stay strong and get through this time but day by day I loose hope in myself because all I do is lay in my bed and look at my phone, I see everyone else's worlds moving around and continuing whilst I feel like mine is frozen in time and I cant do anything about it.

I couldn't make eye contact with anyone because I would instantly feel horrible especially Billie, I couldn't even look at her or talk to her because the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me so much and made me want to just disappear. In my head that seemed like the best option because all I was being at the moment was a mood duller in a unhappy household.

I heard knocking on my door "liv? Are you awake?" I heard in Claudia's sweet, warming voice, I just groaned with no strength to talk even though I've been in bed all day.

She slowly walking in and closed the door, she sat on my little desk chair and looked at me "talk to me liv please, you aren't yourself anymore and I mean looking at you, you haven't been eating" she looked destroyed as she spoke, I managed to slowly sit up and look at her.

I stayed quiet and said nothing even though I knew I should "come on liv, please tell me what's going on, is it something that me and Finneas have done? Is it Billie? She misses you as well" I felt my eyes starting to water and build up tears.

I decided if I didn't just let it all out now I wouldn't ever feel good enough to tell anyone.

I started full on crying as I did my best to explain absolutely everything through my tears, I told her the whole story, the death threats he'd been sending me, the phone call, seeing him at the mall and finally him coming here when I was alone and doing the things he did to me.

Claudia sat in front of me crying with me as she listened to all the horrible thing I had been through over at month and a bit.

Claudia got up and pulled me into a tight hug "its going to be okay I promise liv, I'm going to help you and protect you fully from now on, is it okay if I tell Finneas?" I nodded slowly as I kept my head buried in her neck "please dont tell billie yet, that's something I feel I need to do myself" she smiled at me and kissed my forehead.

"of course liv"