Orphic (h.s)

32. Marlboro reds

Tate

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On the street when I forgot

The city breathes when I do not

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"for staying alive" I hear him whisper in my neck as he hugs me tight, I feel my stomach twist when I hear his words, I didn't want him to be worried about me it was the last thing I wanted, I thought he wouldn't of cared if I did I only known him for a little less then a month. this is my fault

I pull away from him and I can't bear to look at him so I take his hand and pull him out of the bathroom at Niall's place, I see Blaze pacing around the living room and she sees me and runs up to me, she wraps her arms around my neck and squeezed me till I can barely breath, I hug her back lightly and I feel panic rise in me, she's gonna hate me, I am selfish Harry's right

she pulls away from me and I can't look at her in her eyes either, I look down and I can't tell what she's thinking because I can't look at her face. "Tate please don't scare us like this again" I hear her voice crack and I know she's crying, "I-I'm sorry" I mumble staring into the cracks of the hardwood floor in the living room trying to focus on anything else but the hurt I've caused my family

I look over to the other boys but they're all passed out except for Niall, he's sitting on the counter staring into space, I don't know what to read of him either. I look back at Harry and he takes my hand again

"Blaze I'm sorry that I did what I did I want you to know it had nothing to do with you though, I-I just don't want to be here anymore" I mumble and she scoffs

"why?" she asks and I look up to her face to see more and more tears fall to her face, "I haven't wanted to be here since I was taken, I've just never said it out loud" I feel myself squeezing Harry's hand for something to grip

"I love you" she whispers and I hug her, taking her in to my arms feeling her melt into me and I feel her body shake, I feel her tears fall onto the skin of my shoulder and I rub her back

"I feel that way about you" I mumble and she cries harder, she pulls away a few seconds later and I hold her forearms, she looks into my eyes and I smile lightly

"I'll call you tomorrow, we have to go to dinner tomorrow" I mumble and she nods

"Niall I'm sleeping here tonight" Blaze whispers and Niall nods still looking out of it, she grabs his hand and he makes eye contact with me, he looks like a ghost. I mouth I'm sorry to him and he nods closing the door to his room after Blaze walks into it

I slowly turn around to Harry but I don't grab his hand I walk forward pushing the button to the elevator, the elevator dings a second later and it opens up, I walk in and I see Harry trail behind me, he presses the button to the first floor and the doors shut slowly

the silence is awkward, I look up to the mirrors on the ceiling of the elevator, I see my hair, it's all over the place and around my eyes are smeared black eyeliner making me look like a raccoon, I see lines of black mascara from my eyes to the bottom of my cheeks, not from crying but from the water in my eyes while throwing up everything in my stomach

the elevator dings again and I put my head back down looking in front of me, I see the tan pattern wall from earlier in front of me and I turn right Harry standing next to me, I walk past the front desk lady as she greets us

I see Harry's car in the parking space next to Blaze's car, he unlocks it and I sit in the passenger seat, I feel the car dip down and I look next to me to see him sitting next to me in the drivers seat, he turns the key in the ignition, he reverses out of the parking space and turns left on the main road driving back to his place