Nevermind

Chapter 2: Not Like The Others

trigger warning: eating disorder talk. Please, I beg you, do not keep reading if you're sensitive to these topics.

"You're not eating?" your uncle asked furrowing his eyebrows. He had made sure to make enough food for both of you.

"No, samchon*. I ate on the way here. I forgot to message you!" you said feeling bad that he'd gone out of his way to make dinner for you too. You considered sitting at the table not to be rude.

You took a seat and smiled at your uncle. The smell of the homemade food invaded your nostrils and your stomach rumbled. With a forced cough you tried to cover it up.

This was certainly awkward, but you hoped he didn't notice you hadn't really had dinner at all. Or lunch for that matter. You had had coffee and an apple earlier in the day and that was going to be all for today.

It was easier to deal with these things when you lived on your own. No one was there to question you about why your fridge barely had any food in it or why your sink was always clean with how little you actually used your dishware.

You'd never been happy with your body. Since you became aware of the relevance of your looks, you'd always stood out. Your body-build had never been that of most girls around you.

And they had made sure to let you know. You were hefty next to your doll-like classmates from a young age. Your body developed earlier than most as well, making it all the more unpleasant.

Girls would make fun of your funky proportions, your clearly larger bust and exceptionally wider hips. Boys would make you uncomfortable with their racy comments.

At home it wasn't much better, your appa worked all day and your eomma was obsessed with your looks. She made sure to point out every little thing and scrutinize every detail of you.

The constant comments on how you were supposed to look didn't give you a break from what you went through at school. If you ate too little, you were going to look scrawny; if you ate too much, you were going to need new clothes your mom assured she wouldn't buy for you.

You did your best to ignore what everyone around you said, but you eventually crumbled under all the pressure. It was simply too much to bear on top of teenagehood.

Your eomma and you seemed to live dieting constantly. She claimed to be a health guru, but her views were questionable. Not that you had noticed until you were mature enough and already deep in her habits.

Even as a kid your meals lacked the nutritious content you needed to grown up. What she ate for her diet, you ate. Only men got to have a hearty meal. Us girls have to look after ourselves, your mom always said.

That was far from what you did though. Your mom's body was ideal, you'd got your dad's genes when it came to your physique. She was tall, slim and graceful while you were short, thick and looked awkward.

People wouldn't believe she was your mom when you hung out together, not until they met your dad and put two plus two together. Then they looked at you as if you were a poor unfortunate soul who lost the genetic lottery.

The one thing you had inherited from your mom, were her facial features. Your eyes, lips and nose were probably the only parts of your body that you had no complaints about.

It was nice back when you didn't care what you looked like. It wasn't until people at school started commenting on it that you saw anything was wrong. Your mom's upbringing had been your normal.

Appearances were very important to your eomma and even if you didn't think she had bad intentions, she'd heavily influenced you. She always wanted you to look flawless.