Nevermind

Chapter 16: Interwoven Toxicity

When Jimin walked back in the room, you were already in bed with your back to the door and his bed. The apple was gone and it seemed like you had only drank a few sips of the orange juice. He figured you wouldn't drink the whole thing if you were counting calories, but he tried.

"Noona" he said softly as he placed a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes were closed; you didn't want to talk though so you hoped he would just let you be if he thought you were sleeping.

It hadn't been that long for you to be deeply asleep, but he noticed you were still wearing your dress and he wanted to offer some more comfortable clothes. The other members had bigger clothes you could probably wear.

Jimin quietly set a t-shirt and pants on the night-table next to the glass, hoping you'd see them if you happened to wake up in the middle of the night.

After he changed into his pajamas, he left the bathroom's door open so you'd know you didn't have to leave the room like you did earlier. Turning off the lights, he got in bed and tried to rest, but he had so much to think about.

A few tears ran down your cheeks as you opened your eyes in the dark. You were trying really hard not to just start sobbing, this was horrible. Just when you finally decided to let him in, when he was about to kiss you, this had to get in the way.

It would sooner or later, you weren't even sure how you'd let your guards down hoping for something. Yet you did and now all you could see in Jimin's eyes was how sorry he felt for you, how much he pitied you and you hated it so much.

Of course that when you regained consciousness and he knew, everything would change. He just didn't look at you in the same way anymore, he didn't need complications, it was better he distanced himself and saved himself the trouble.

If he ever was interested in you, you were sure now he wouldn't want anything to do with your messed up self. All that time he wasted pursuing you, you felt awful about it. Had he known before, he wouldn't have even looked your way most likely.

And you had got your hopes up, even if you had denied it for the longest time, you liked him. You liked him a lot and that's exactly why you had pushed him away. It was bound to happen, you would get hurt, more hurt the more attached you got.

It hurt like hell as is, maybe it was for the best that things didn't really happen when they were about to. You couldn't have nice things; you were too damaged for all that. You were toxic and he'd be better off without you. Anyone would.

You covered your face with the sheets, just wanting to disappear. The only reason you had stayed was not to make a scene, most guys if not all of them seemed to be in the apartment. If you got into a fight they'd certainly hear.

Jimin was sure he'd heard a little whimper, but he didn't want to disturb you or push you further. He knew how annoying that was, he remembered how the members would insist and all he wanted was to be left alone about the decision he was making for his own peace of mind.

It was heartbreaking to hear, you were probably crying and all he wanted to do was hold you close and tell you it would be alright, he wouldn't go anywhere. He understood all too well and he'd support you.

You clearly needed your space though or you wouldn't have got in bed so soon and without another word. He wasn't that close to you either to just lay next to you without making you uncomfortable. It wasn't appropriate.

The signs were there and he was ashamed of himself for dismissing them as part of his imagination. He wanted to be wrong, he wanted it all to be speculation of his own and nothing else. It was way too obvious though, all too clear, and he thought there was no excuse for what he did.