My Diary

Sunday, June 20, 2021

  Why do I always push away the people I love the most?

  I hate men

  Why am I this way?

  Why can't concentrate?

  I don't want to feel sad anymore

  I don't want to end up braking my body

  I just want a hug

  Why won't my mother listen?

  I hate my school therapist, she doesn't know shit about me. She doesn't even care to hear me out. Why did they want my mom to see her if she's not the one failing the classes. I AM!

  No one ever listens

  No one cares

  I'm so afraid of what he thinks of me. He does me likes me as much.

  I don't want to talk

  I feel like crying, but the tears won't come out

  I want to express myself

  I never get to choose
 
  Why do they get mad when I don't speak?

  I'm so sorry

  I just want to go back to the time I thought life was nice

  I'm scared

  They always judge but never try to understand

  I want to be myself

  I want to run away so badly

  What do I do?

  This can't go on forever, I don't want it to go on forever

   They won't listen to my needs

   I want to be heard for once

   I want to be happy again

   I really hate myself

  I don't like my body
   
   People don't like my body, the ones that do want to hurt it

  It's not fair

  Do I deserve it?

  I want to get rid of this useless body

  I hate it

  I hate my voice

  I hate my face

  I hate my life

  I hate the way that I am

  I love women

  I wish I could meet the people that made me smile, that made me feel like someone. Who let me be me.

  I would like to hold them tightly in my arms

  I want to love them

  They're precious to me

  They made me feel something I didn't feel for a long time. I like that

  I would love to have someone who would be by my side no matter what. I'd give them anything

  I can't have that because I don't deserve it

  I'm a horrible person

   Someone like me doesn't deserve that but it would be so nice

   The only thing I know how to do is hurt others and make them feel like shit

   I'm so ungrateful, they deserve everything not me

   Anyone who let me be by their side only pitted me. I just bother them and followed them around like a dog. Everyone noticed that

   I'm so close to ending it all

   That's too selfish for me to do

   It would be better if something or someone would do it for me

   I'm such a bad person

    I'm so sorry

    I'm really sorry, Iove you