My Diary

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

I'm almost 18 and I'm honestly pretty scared.

Scared in the sense that I'm getting closer to adulthood. I always thought about it but now it feels too real.

I mean, I'm going to finish high school next year then I'll be going to college...

I just can't believe after that I'll be working for the rest of my life. I just got a taste of what working feels like and honestly I can't believe that's how my life is going to be.

Yeah, I know what I'm doing now is not a big deal. I'm only working 3 days out of the week but even so I feel like a chunk of my day is being wasted. Like, imagine that every single day for the rest of my life.

It scares me that even if I work I won't be able to live off of what I have. I'm just looking at the adults of my generation and they are struggling. I don't want to go through that.

Years ago I joked about exploiting my body for money or getting a sugar daddy but now I'm actually considering it.

I know I don't have the capacity to have a side hustle while having a full-time.

I wanna enjoy my life and do things I love with people I care about.

I really took my childhood for granted. I noticed it in my teen years but it was too late. Before I knew it I'm here right now.

I'm scared of knowing I'll be alone. I know I'll be alone. I didn't know how to maintain relationships before, now I won't even have time to form relationships.

It's even worse hearing what my parents had to do at my age. Both my parents worked 2 jobs and only had 1 hour to eat. They only had one day off which is clearly not enough time to do anything.

Despite all they went through they still do horrible economically.

In comparison to me I do have a more privilege but I still feel hopeless.

Ever since I was little I wished I was born in a wealthy home and I still do.

I hate thinking like this but I really can't help it. I try to think positive but I'm always brought back to reality by the people around me.

Yeah, I know it's not good but I just feel like there's no good future for me.

I'll try to move foward and try my best in everything I do but the expectation for myself.

Maybe all this wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to experience it with me.

I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be alone.