My Diary

Friday, December 2, 2022

I lowkey started crying out of frustration before I wrote this.

Let's start from yesterday. So me and some other people were put in a group to make a stand for food for a "end of the year presentation" to show parents what the school did during the whole year.

We got big boards to decorate but it had to be themed with the food we were going to make.

The theme for this year was the country I live in.

So I had an idea to create the flag but make it look like a beach since the colors match and everything.

My group said no. I was really upset and told them that I swore it would look good.
I told them if they don't want to help me it's fine, they could decorate something else. They didn't

They told me that I need to stop and we can't always do what I want and I have other things to worry about.

They're right, I can't always have my way but it was something to make our stuff stand out and make it pleasing.

I just wanted to contribute to something. I wanted something that a person could say "oh I like this, this looks amazing!"

But no. I felt hurt by this but I just acted like it didn't. I left and let them do their thing.

I wanted to cry but left it as it is. It wasn't worth it.

I just like making something that could be praised for and feel appreciated for my hard work.

That was that.

Today was worse than yesterday.

Yesterday was a minor thing but now it was so much worse.

It started out great but then it just crumbled.

I forgot the lyrics I had in a folder at home, I fucked up my singing in choir, I was a useless guide to a friend that I invited to see the projects, I made fucking fool of myself, and my supposed "friends" just ignored me the whole time.

I left the presentation early cause I just felt embarrassed after all that.

Just to add to the pain, those friends when out to eat later, took a picture and just sent it to the group chat with the caption "la foto com minhas garotas"

I felt bad. I'm just frustrated.

I never felt part of the group but now it just confirms it.

Like, this wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't all that I did for them!

I help them, I did all the shitty group work just for them to take the credit and they do this.

I'm fucking done. I thought this time, this period of my life I would have control of myself but I never do.

Next year they can go fuck themselves. I'm not doing anything with them anymore

I just wanna be done with school and leave forever