My Diary

Saturday, January 22, 2022

  I've been thinking  I want to change myself. Like better myself.

  This year I have some things I'd like to do and hopefully acheive that.

1. Try to act confident. Everyone loves a person who is confident. Although I don't think it's going to be that easy but I think if I try to give the aspect, it'll work out. 

2. Stop trying to care so much. I care way to much about what I do. I overthink way to much which prevents me from doing a lot of things. If I can do that, I feel like life would be a lot easier for me. I can be way more motivated and be able to acheive more.

3. Don't over share. I have a bad habit of doing that. The whole reason I do this is because I'm usually so quiet and really don't talk to anyone.
It's worse when I'm not that type of person. I'm actually really talkative and when I'm hooked to a topic, there is no stopping me from opening my mouth. But I also love listening to people.
Since I don't talk to people that much I just burst when I do get the chance. It's really bad because I end up making the other person uncomfortable.

4. Be able to find people who can care about me. If I can find a person who genuinely cares about me and actually wants to have a friendship with me. I would be able to share a lot of things with this person and also learn things from them. I can be able to get into other things I didn't even know I would enjoy.
I do have a friend whom I feel that fits this but we hadn't had a chance to actually talk about eachother. Maybe this year we could make this possible.

5. Find a place I can't let out my emotions. I keep all my emotions to myself and there's no where I can let off some steam because of the lack of privacy I have. Therefore becoming more violent and probably hurt someone because of that reason.
I already become a violent person, luckily I haven't hurt anyone physically or emotionally.

6. Think before doing/saying something. Even if I over think, there are times that I don't use my brain and fuck up everything. Especially in school. So, I think I should give myself atleast 10 seconds before I respond to certain things.

7. Be able to say "no". I can't say no because I always get worried on how the other person will react. I should be able to say "no" ESPECIALLY when I feel uncomfortable. Like I stated before, I should stop caring about what people think.

  Those are the main things I wanna change. I think it'll benefit me a lot. This is the only thing I can think of to help me better myself and not end up making my mental health shit since my mother isn't going to get me a therapist. 

  I get their expensive but I really don't have anything that can replace therapy anymore. The things that used to make me feel good don't work anymore.

  I think changing some flaws about myself will help my mental health. I hope it does.

  I already got over some things that made me go insane so I can start off fresh.