My Diary

Saturday, April 2, 2022

Moving away sucks. I wish I didn't move so many times.

Although now I doubt we're moving away again, I s feel like there was a way to prevent moving away the many times that I did.

Thanks to that I lost everything that was important to me. I'm not talking about the clothes, the shoes, nothing like that.

I lost the friends I had and the drawings.

Why were the drawings so important to me?

Well after the problems I had with my parents the way I coped and expressed my feelings were through drawing.

I always loved drawing and it's basically my whole life.

I drew my anger, sadness, happiness, fears, everything.

Not only did it help me express my feelings in a healthy way but it also helped me improve my drawings.

I always kept my drawings stored in a place so when I'm bored I can reflect on how I was feeling and the way I improved my art. As cringey as it was to look back at these drawings it made me feel happier.

Strange, right?

I moved away a total of 11 times. You can imagine how much I had to leave behind.

I try to salvage as much drawings as I can but I don't always manage to get everything.

The ones I do end up saving, they get thrown away by my mom thinking it's trash.

She never asks me if it's okay to throw away a certain think. She just does it and it angers me.

In 2017 she found my vent art. I spent a year in a half not drawing. I ended up coping in ways that aren't that good.

When I moved to the continent of South America I still didn't draw. I started drawing when I got into the gacha fandom.

I didn't vent through it though so I still ended up hurting myself.

I started filling a notebook with drawings from mid 2018 to early 2019.

I used up the whole notebook and I put it away in a safe place.

During that period I started drawing digitally but not as often as I do now (I was REALLY bad at it back then).

In 2020 was when I started venting to art and was trying to get rid of the bad habbit I developed in 2017-2019.

Although 2020 was a really bad year for me and most people it helped me a lot through my art journey.

And form there I slowly was getting better and trying to become the best version of myself.

Why am I writing all this?

Well, today me and my were cleaning through the mess of suit cases to find the notebook from 2018 because I wanted to see it.

Turned out in 2020 my mother and brothers threw away the notebook while I was at school working on my final exams.

This really upset me and I just needed to express my anger but i can't speak with anyone because they'll think I'm overreacting.

Which they could be right. They will never understand how important this is for me.

I was able to salvage 2 drawings from 2018 and I'm happy to have atleast a small portion of my past.

It's really sad that I can't seem to let go of my past. I guess that's another thing I have to work on.

By the way, happy birthday bro. 13 years old! Welcome to the teen team.