My Diary

Saturday, June 25, 2021

TW: ⚠️Slight Mention of Su1cid3⚠️

  I literally almost died today, I'm not even joking.

  So, when I need to shower, I go to my mom's boyfriend's house. I don't shower in my own house because we don't have a shower yet-
   I don't want to talk about it

  Anyway, the way we get hot water is by a gas tank that heats up the water which leads to the shower head.

  For some reason a lot of gas releases from it now so my mom tells my siblings and I to leave the door open when we go take a bath.

  I'm obviously not comfortable with that, so I close the door.

  It was a never a problem until now.

  While I was washing myself and doing my business, I was inhaling the gas coming out.
  Which made me a little dizzy but didn't really bother me since almost always I end up fainting in the shower. This had been happening way before I ever started coming to my mom's boyfriend's house.

  I finished and got out. I started changing into my clothes.

  At this point I was kinda wobbly but I still managed to finish putting on my clothes.

  I was finishing up with the rest of the things I was going to do in there but I started losing air.

  I thought I was going to faint so I opened the door and crouched down.

  It didn't work so I made my way to the room where my mom and my brothers were.

  I couldn't walk straight. I was shuddering violently. I reached the room and my mom noticed I was trembling.

  She grabbed me and told me to lay down.

  I disassociated for a minute. I felt tired and felt like sleeping.

  I could faintly here my mom calling my name.

  I snap back into reality and saw my mom blowing air at my face and everyone surrounding me.

  My mom told my brothers to call her boyfriend to come to the room.

  Look, gas is a toxic chemical as a lot of people know.

  When a human inhales a lot gas. They make them feel woozy and make them feel like their going to faint.
   The only difference being if you close your eyes, you die.

   The gas makes you sleepy and kills you without you even noticing.

  It's kind of a peaceful death if you ask me.

  This would kinda mean this would be a suicide attempt??

  Like, I knew this could happen and let it be.

  I'll be real with y'all. That felt great. It was just an amazing experience.

  Like, I felt so sleepy. I felt myself drifting away. It felt so nice.

  That sweet release of death.

  After all that I got a huge migraine. It's calming down now.

   I'm really not a stranger to this sort of thing. I almost died a few times actually.

  By cars.
  I'm not very careful of my surroundings. I always forget to check the road for cars.

  By suffocation.
  It's just from dumb games I played as a kid.

  And drowning.
  I can kinda swim but I'm pretty bad at it.

  My mom told me my brothers were so worried.

  I laughed because right after I recovered a bit, they started making fun of me.
  They also hugged me out of nowhere-

  *disappears in whip and nae nae*