My Diary

Saturday, August 7, 2021

  It's currently 12:00 am where I live. I'm crying so much.

  I'm such a fool to think would come. I KNEW there was no way they'd want to come but yet I still hoped...

   I'm stupid.

   I shouldn't have tried inviting them, I ALREADY KNEW THE OUTCOME! But I still did it anyway.

   It hurts so much. I really hoped I would be proven wrong.

   I know it's their decision if they wanted to come or not but the rejection still hurt.

   Especially when you invited someone who you like very deeply.

   I'm so upset.

   I always hated my birthdays anyway. They never turn out the way I want it to.

  I never liked the idea of growing up, but here I am...

  I'm so tired of this stupid cycle of feeling horrible every fucking birthday.

  Birthdays are supposed to be something to make you happy but why not for me?

   I don't have any real friends to share this moment with. I had a online friend who I care about alot but him and I aren't in contact anymore.

   That's entirely my fault.. I stopped talking to him after all.

    I just had to get my grades up again and as much as he made me so happy. I couldn't keep getting distracted

    I'm miserable and I feel so guilty. I just want to talk to him again.

    I want to spend time with him again.

    I'm such a terrible person.

    Why do I keep pushing away everyone that means so much to me? I don't mean to but I'm just so scared of messing things up and because of that I do end up messing up.

    I hate my birthday. It was a mistake bringing me in this world.