Skate the Infinity one shots

Panic

(Just a slight trigger warning, this chapter does include mentions of self harm and like hinting towards it so if you're not comfortable with that you should probably just go to the next chapter.)

I woke up to reki shaking me and he started mumbled stuff incoherently. I sat up and slowly opened my eyes. He had tears streaming down his face and his eyes were puffy. It took me a second to register what was happening before I hugged him, trying to fall back asleep against him. He gasped for air and trembled in my arms.

I rubbed his back and slumped against his shoulders. He sobbed into my shoulder but I was too tired to say anything. I must've fallen asleep against him because he was having me again. "It's okay." I said automatically and he stared at me, dried tears on his face. I squinted at him and smiled. "Are you okay?" I asked and he nodded slowly.

His Adam's apple bobbed and he had a pained look on his face. I held his face and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. "I love you." I said and kissed his forehead. He whimpered softly and fell against me. I laid down and pulled the blanket over him. "Langa." He said quietly and pressed his finger at my collarbone.

I nudged him in acknowledgment and he let out a soft, slight shaky breath. "I feel bad." He mumbled and I set a hand in his hair, scratching his head lightly. "I know, I'm sorry." I stared at the ceiling and cradled him in my arms. "I felt like I couldn't breathe. And- and my hands were shaking really bad." He stuffed his face into my neck and I held him closer, wrapping my legs around his legs.

"I'm sorry." I kissed the side of his head and he relaxed ontop of me. I saw him scratching his wrist and I touched his hand. "Stop that." I mumbled and he slumped on my arms. "I'm such a piece of shit." He whispered and started to scratch at his wrist again. I grabbed his wrist and put my hand around it. "Go to bed." I breathed out and fixed the blanket around us. It was quiet for awhile and right as I fell onto a deep sleep I heard him rustling around the bedside table.

I sat up and looked at him. "You shave, right?" He said in a jittery voice and I stared at him. "Reki, come here." He bounced on the balls of his feet and then hurried off to the bathroom. I heard the lock click and I rushed over. "Reki, if you hurt yourself I'd never forgive myself." I said through the door and I heard his looking through the cabinets.

"Hey baby, baby. Come here. Babe, just listen to me. I love you. Don't do this again, you're almost at a year, so you really want to start over?" It was quiet for a second and I heard the water hit the bottom of the sink. My heart sank and I searched the top of the doorway for the key. I found it and struggled to unlock the door.

I pushed it open and looked at him sitting on the floor, staring at a razor in his hand. I kneeled down infront of him and he slowly looked from the razor up to me. I smiled as best as I could at the moment and brushed his hair back. "Baby, can you calm down for a second?" I kissed his forehead and spoke very softly too him, trying to not trigger him into doing anything.

"I love you, okay? Please don't hurt yourself, it makes me feel like I'm responsible, especially if I don't Atleast try to help you." I looked in his tired eyes and put my hand around the one grasping the razor. He had a pained look in his face and I slipped the razor out of his hand, pushing it to the corner of the room, far from where he can grab it.

"I know you feel like that's the only thing you can do right now, but you have to trust me, there's so many more options. Do you want to go for a walk and clear your head? We can go get you some warm tea and watch a movie on the couch. Anything that you'd make you feel better I'm willing to do, okay?" He nodded and I rubbed the circles under his eyes. "Can you promise me you'll never think about so that again, regardless whether I'm here or not?" I put my pinky out and he hesitated to nod.

He wrapped my pinky around mine and I smiled. "Do you want to watch 'Up'?" I asked, trying to take his mind off of things. He nodded and I sat up, reaching down. "Cmon, baby." He smiled weakly and followed me out to the living room. I made sure he was comfortable and walked to the kitchen to get him some hot chocolate. I watched as the water heated up and my mind grew foggy.

God, I can't believe I had to talk him out of that. The heater beeped and I poured the water into a mug, mixing in the powder. I grabbed some m&m's on my way out and sat down next to him. He sipped at the drink and zoned out at the tv. I knew he get numb, I could feel it form the way he was act and breathing and even just how he was sitting.

He was very on edge. I put the small bag of m&m's in his lap and pulled the blanket over me. "Goodnight, baby." I said and he looked down at me. "Night." He mumbled and I put my hand on his leg, trying to soothe him. "Try to get some sleep, okay?" He nodded and I closed my eyes.

I woke up the next morning and reki was sitting there quietly, staring at the tv. I looked at him and he held the empty mug up to his chin, completely entranced by the movie. I sat up and he swayed to the side before sitting up straight. I looked at him and touched his arm.

He flinched and finally broke the trance he was in. "Hi." His voice cracked and I smiled, kissing him quickly. "Did you sleep at all?" I asked and he shook his head, a little guilty. I looked down at his pink wrists and held his hand. "I'm proud of you." I looked up and smiled. He was taken off guard and tried to hide the smile on his face.

"Youre so prefect, please don't tarnish yourself." I blew his kiss before laying down, resting my head in his lap. "Are you serious watching up again?" He shook his head. "No this is the third time." I laughed and he chuckled lightly. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, kissing him all over his face.