What to do now. *book two*

Please, not again...

I did Get into a serious relationship. Just not with who I expected.

This guy was... he's... he's hard to describe... he... his mood. It's always changing. And it's mostly horny. Or angry. Or condescending.

Really condescending.

Wait, no, he's not sometimes condescending, he is always condescending and sees me as lesser.

But he also "depends" on me, for support.

And I'd be fine with that if he wasn't so clingy and wanted to come with me everywhere and he talks down to me.

He's kinda like Nate, except he isn't so... 'depression isn't real'

He drags me around with him everywhere too! He'll make me stand outside of the toilets if there's only one toilet in it, or, he'll make me stand outside of the toilet stall if there's more than one toilet in the toilets.

But hey, I've managed to keep my threat level at twenty one percent.

I'm sat in my room, reading, when he walks in.

"Hey Damien Jean."
"Hello Karl."
"So... apparently you were asked to give two different fears? Because you only went through three trials?"
"Mhm."
"Huh."
"Hm?"
"I just came here to check on you."
"That's nice."

When talking with Karl, he expects me to speak in short sentences, and try not to use big words.

He says that he finds it hard to understand big or intelligent sounding words such as perspicacious. Which means, to have a ready insight into, and understanding, certain things.

For example, I, am quite smart, and I got full marks on all of my exams in school. I speak coherently, and most of the time, with ease and no stutter, and I use big and intelligent sounding words like furious and imbecile, or as I mentioned already, perspicacious.

Karl, however, expects me to speak with very little speech, and not so perspicaciously.

"So, how's your day been so far?"
"Good."
"Cool. What time is it?"

I check my watch, "two past six."
"Okay."
"I need to head down now."
"Head down?"
"Go to the bottom floor."
"Oh, okay. I'll come with you! And wait for you to get out again."
"Okay."

I get up and start walking out, and Karl runs out after me and grabs my hand, "don't leave with out me!"
"I apologise."
"What? You know what I have said about big words!"
"Sorry. I meant sorry."
"Okay."

We get to the stairs and Karl drags me away from the stairs and to the elevator.

"Karl, please. I'm claustrophobic."
"Stop it with the Long words!"
"Fine! I don't like small tight spaces!"

He sighs, "you'll be fine!"

And then he drags me inside.

I stay quiet the whole way down, and when we get down, Karl goes to sit on the stairs and I walk over to Maurices desk.

"How come you took the elevator?"
"Because Karl chooses to ignore that I am Claustrophobic. Still."
"Really? Wow. That's mean."
"He makes me speak in small sentences, if any."
"Aren't you worried that he'll here you from here?"
"He's probably a few floors up, sitting about and waiting for me."
"Oh, okay."
"He's incompetent."
"How come you speaking down about him?"
"He constantly speaks down to me! He is very condescending, I'll have you know!"
"How long have you two been together now?"
"A few months-ish?"
"Okay."
"I'm sorry if I can't stay for long, he expects me to be quick with anything I'm doing, and doesn't like to be separated from me."
"Okay, well, before you go, I just have to tell you that you should probably not show that you are afraid, still, of the fears that the moderators think you conquered. Because if you do show it, you'll have to go through them, and the other two new fears you chose, all over again, and I can't prevent that. And they won't have the same pattern as last time. They'll make it harder, and less likely that you'll conquer those fears. That's how they work. They don't want you to conquer your fears, they want you to suffer."

I look at the desk. Going through everything again would most likely manage to kill me...

I was in the gardens when it happened. The event that would destroy me completely.

Someone tried to force themselves upon me and I freaked out. I was terrified. I lost all strength in the moment, I completely froze.

And then, a few days later, Karl blamed it on me. I was wearing my black trench coat... I wore nothing revealing.

And then he hit me, over and over and I couldn't fight back.

And then I got trapped in a cupboard. They locked me in and I was trapped in there for days.

And I'm in the first trial of today. It's the same as last time, but now, with drowning third, and then mirror mazes and then tight spaces. And of course, abuse second.

Abuse and rape where mostly the same, but more difficult. For drowning, I was chucked into a pool and some sort of ceiling closed above me and I couldn't get out, there was only a few centimetres to breath and I thrashed and kicked and clawed at the ceiling until I couldn't breath anymore and I could barely hold on. And then they'd open the top and fish me out.

This time I only had a quarter of an hour in between trials.

The tight spaces was much worse.

They put me into an elevator. And it moved up and down until it broke and I panicked.

I curled up on the floor and sobbed to be let out. The walls were literally closing in on me, I wasn't imagining it.

I try and pry the ever shrinking doors open, to no avail.

My left ankle is at an uncomfortable angle.

"LET ME OUT!!!" I scream, "PLEASE JUST LET ME OUT!!!"

Eventually, they did. After I was crushed to my limit.

And then the mirror mazes... they turned out to be worse... worse than the other fears.... Because they reflected all of my pain and suffering and I couldn't get out...

And... I felt like I was being judged... like I was being watched... and... and my screams.... They reflected off the glass.... Bouncing back at me and it was endless... it was driving me insane... it took so much longer... because I... I just couldn't conquer them... when they weren't making me suffer, I was trying to sleep...

But I couldn't...

I had nightmares...

And because I couldn't sleep,

I was losing energy...

And so had no energy to try and fight back...

Or even consider trying...

It took me forty five years... before they finally stopped... and they let me go... and I went back home...

But I wasn't free because it happened all over again when I closed my eyes...

And... I still couldn't sleep. I managed to get to work, I managed to keep working hard.

I managed to make people their orders in time.

And nobody noticed I was tired.

Because I hid it, really well...