Voodoo Doll

Chapter 117

Carson

It takes me about an hour to finally stop crying, and about 15 minutes after that to stop shaking.

Yet I can't stop my thoughts. My dark thoughts.

My mind is racing with thoughts and memories of my deranged family. I was sick of them, sick of crying, sick of being dramatic.

My life would be so much better if they just left me. If they forgot about me- as easily as Luke did.

Luke, God that boy drives me crazy. But that's what I love about him, he has this spell on me, controlling me, making me say thing I never say.

I lift my head from my hands, only to find Bella watching me with hard eyes, arms crossed, lips tipped down into a frown.

"Talk. Now." She orders, sliding down the wall to meet my eyes.

"My family." My voice sounds weird in my ears, and I sniffle slightly.

"Obviously dimwit, I realize that."

"Can we just be totally honest with each other?" I suddenly ask, averting my eyes and staring at the floor. "Can I just spill? Can I trust you?"

Bella's frown disappears as she purses her lips. "Of course. Go ahead. You talk to me, I'll talk to you."

I nod, letting out a deep breath as I began. "My mom was an alcoholic, my brother and my dad being my only rocks. Then, my dad and I got in a car crash." I ignored Bella's small intake of breath and hand on my knee. "He died, and it all went downhill from there. I was only about 10 or 11." I will myself not to cry as I tuck my knees to my chest.

"She started drinking more, then abusing us. First it was verbal, then physical. Then, when my brother was in Secondary School, he got in with the wrong group of kids. He started to smoke and drift away from me, leaving me to deal with out mom. When I was 13, things got worse. Then he started to drink, and insult me. Then he got drugs, and he hit me. I was all alone, I barely had friends cause they were afraid. I can't blame them really." I shrug, my voice cracking as I went on.

"And how did you get here?" Bella asks.

I let out a bitter laugh. "I left them. But coming here wasn't great at first- everyone hated me. Especially Luke."

Bella laughs quietly, almost like a whisper. "And I thought my life was bad."

I give her a sympathetic glance and smile, even though I'm in pain when relieving my past. "I'm sure it is, just in a bad way. Not that I want it to be bad, of course."

Bella snorts and waves me off. "Please. Like that can hurt me."

I raise my eyebrow, almost encouraging her to start talking.

"Okay, so I was always bullied. When I was little, but it got worse when my mom died. Kids claimed I wasn't loved by parents, so she was lucky to get away. Of course, I knew that wasn't true, but I couldn't help but consider it, yanno?"

I nod,'and she swallows before continuing.

"My mom was the only one I could confide in. After she passed, my dad started to drink. He never hit me, just a few harsh words here and there. The kids were way worse. I started to cut, even attempted suicide." He eyes suddenly became wet, and guilt instantly filled me. "I'm not proud of the person I was. And the Matt came along. Sweet at first, then sour. He used me, played me like a game. He used me for one thing- fun. And he got my dad to make me stay with him, because my dad was on of the people I was truly frightened of." Bella hung her head.

"Our lives are shit, you know that?" I dryly say. "The saddest people smile the brightest Bella. Just remember that whenever...whenever you feel sad."