Long Time No See • Natasha Romanoff

Part 55: What Now?

Natasha didn't know how to feel. She didn't exactly feel angry, it was more a feeling of emptiness. Her whole world dissolved in her arms and there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. She didn't know what to do? What could she do? There was nothing she could do. She sat there, looking down at the brown dust that had settled on the floor. She was essentially looking at her dead fiancé's ashes.

After a minute of completely and utter isolation, she couldn't be there, in that forest, as the inevitable wave of sadness washed over her like a tsunami. Only the tsunami crushed her emotionally rather than physically. She ran, she ran from the opening in that forest. Her mind was elsewhere and her legs took her anywhere but there. She wished that any moment she'd wake from this terrifying nightmare and awake in her bed. At the Avengers tower, cradled in her fiancé's arms, who would no doubt wake up from her movement. She'd hug her, make her a drink, get her clothes, she'd love her. She'd stroke her hair. She'd pull Natasha impossibly closer, she'd kiss and stroke the top of her hair softly until Natasha would fall back asleep. It seems silly in hindsight that there only worry was that the other would have nightmares. Only now the nightmare wasn't the red room, or her life before SHIELD, it would be the image of her wife's skin flaking away and her tears that rolled softly down her cheeks while her face disappeared.

She collapsed in a field hundreds of meters from the scene and it didn't release any of the anger or sadness. She sat there. On her knees. Alone.

She thought to herself how unlucky she was, and how things never lasted. Ever. She had her family. It didn't last. She had Anya. It didn't last. She had shield. It didn't last. She had Anya again. And it didn't last. Everything Natasha had was gone.

After probably hours of sitting and sobbing, Steve came over to her and consoled her. He was sceptical going over to her, but she was surprisingly welcoming. She wrapped him in a big before he lead her back the quinjet. Natasha was in no frame of mind, so she roughly taught Steve how to put it in autopilot. She sat on the rack at the other end of the jet, as far away from Steve, Bruce, Thor, Rhodey and Rocket, all of whom knew not to interact with the blonde.

No one said a single word on the way back to compound, they'd lost. They'd lost and half of the universe paid for it, and that would break anyone. There's nothing they could do now but feel.

The jet landed softly on the pad back at base. While everyone walked off to go and change and shower and probably cry, Natasha stayed behind. She looked over at the corner of the jet, remembering the time when Anya was nervous during the mission with the boat and the mission where she was seriously injured. And that, that little moment when Anya realised that she wasn't alone, and she had Nat, made her both happy and sad.

Steve was clearly shocked, I mean he too lost the person closest to him. He thought about the people that weren't there. Tony, most importantly. He called the number that he saved in that burner phone that they exchanged after the civil war in Berlin, and it went straight to voicemail. He thought about Sharon, and if she suffered the same fate. He thought about the people that where there with them, but who didn't make it. Vision, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Anya, Groot, T'Challa, Okoye.

After taking off his suit, Thor was devastated. He blamed himself for their loss. Thanos was right, he should have aimed for the head. He felt a tremendous amount of guilt, if he'd made a different call, half the universe would still be alive. He didn't. And they aren't. Rocket was just as saddened but he death of his friends as the others were. He didn't even know if his guardian friends were alive, but Groot was gone and that was all he could feel.

Bruce was surprisingly okay, he wasn't but Bruce was never a really big talker. So they all gave him some space, especially because of the green man inside of him. He too last everyone that he cares about. Seeing them all turn to dust really had an affect on him. Rhodey was the same, just as quite as the rest of them. He didn't even know of to t was alive, and he would soon find out from pepper that she still hadn't heard from him. And although she may have picked up the phone, the pure emptiness he felt was still there.