But were Best Friends

Chapter 34

Its been a couple weeks since the boys Lacy has adjusted well its not really phased her that they were gone i mean she realizes there gone she's looked around for Ash a couple times cause shes so use to me and him coming in there with her and spending the day now its just me. I told her the first day that i done that daddy will be back soon and thats its just me and her for awhile she just tilted her head at me in confusion and started babbling at me. She's done that alot now she's only 6 months now her doctor said she could start crawling anytime now and then walking maybe a month or two later around 8 months is the estimated time for her to start walking the doctor said so Ash will still be gone so he will miss both.
Later that day i was sitting in the living room like usual with Lacy her sitting in the floor trying to eat her stuffed animals. Then she just started to scoot her self across the floor as in attempting to crawl over to one of the other toys across the room she then got it figured out and just started crawling over to the toy laying across the room i pulled out my phone recording it for Ash. After i recorded her i sent it to Ash saying
Me: Ash babe look shes started crawling isn't she just adorable
Ash: awwh shes amazing i miss my princess shes getting so big
Me:  yea shes 6 months now Ash shes an absolute angel though all she does is sleep eat and play
Ash:  awh babe i cant wait till i get back just 5 more month's to go she will be almost a year old when i come back
Me: yea Ash and she will be walking when you get back and soon talking
Ash: omg she's growing up so fast
Me: yea babe ily i gtg i need to feed Lacy i will ttyl okay
Ash: ily2 tell Lacybug i love her to
Me: i will xx
After ending my conversation with Ash i picked up Lacy out of the floor and just started crying for some reason holding her to my chest kissing her on top of the head and said daddy loves you Lacy you know that right he misses you i know you miss him to. She just lifted her head off of my chest and smiled at me and started to babble as if to say everythings going to be okay. I took her to her nursery after feeding and then laying her down for her nap.
I then walked to back to my room shutting and sliding my back down against it and started just bawling with my head in my knees. I miss Ash so much and seeing Lacy every day is a constant reminder of him she looks so much like him. But i cant see him until 5 more months.  I then got up walking to the bathroom finding my little black box in the cabinet as the voices of my past returned in my head
You will never be good enough for him you whore
Hes probably cheating on you
Your a fat waste of life
You don't deserve to be with Ash or to have Lacy
I then grabbed a blade from the box sliding it across my skin watching the blood beed up then going to make a second cut and then more and more till my arm was covered in cuts i watched them bleed for awhile till i went to the skink running water over them and then bandaging them up and going to my closet and finding a long sleeve shirt and putting it on so Teagan wouldn't noticed i relapsed. I then walked over to the mirror looking at myself i had bloodshot eyes from crying mascar lines running down my face. I then heard Teagan scream LANA IM HOME WERE ARE YOU i then screamed back IM IN MY ROOM I WILL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE. I quickly washed my face and grabbed Lacy from her room and went downstairs to Teagan when i got down there she suggested why dont we all go out for dinner or something we haven't been out in awhile. I smiled and said sure she said well don't just stand there Lana go get ready i said i am ready she was like okay i will grabbed Lacys diaper bag you go ahead and get in the car i went out to the car putting Lacy in the carseat and handing her a toy to occupie her during the car ride when Teagan got in the car she turned on the radio and back out the drive way.  We were driving for about 30 minutes when i heard the radio start to play a familiar beat i then the car was filled with the sound of 5SOS as they played she looks so perfect on the radio i couldn't help but smile when i sung along with the song.  When we finally arrived at the restaurant we walked in as i was still humming the beat to she looks so perfect as i sit down and sitting Lacy down in the highchair beside me. Me and Teagan order our food and talked about random stuff as Lacy sit there babbling and playing her toy.
After we eat and got home i took Lacy straight upstairs as she must have been exhausted considering we were gone for hours. After laying her down i went straight to my room and crawling in bed and soon drifting off to sleep.