𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓 | hyunsung ✔

19

he's in love with jisung. now what? the next stage isn't easy, considering the situation he was in. it's not something he can accomplish over the next few days, it's just the beginning of his love journey for the younger.

not like he can just easily confess to jisung about his feelings. not to forget about the fact that he already has someone else he likes, and that was someone called changbin. despite hyunjin never meeting him, he didn't know what to feel about the guy.

just countless questions coming in his head, he wondered. what about changbin was attractive? why does jisung like that guy so much? how much different is he to him? hyunjin wanted to know, he want to know why it has to be him.

and not the taller? when is jisung gonna notice that he has something for him? well, considering how jisung was all over changbin, that would probably never happen. and to add on that, hyunjin isn't the sort of person to be obvious about his feelings.

after all, from birth, he'd been accustomed to hide everything he felt inside, that including everything. from his past, to his parents to all of the hidden thoughts and feelings hyunjin ended up developing - all of the trauma suffocating him inside.

was he also just gonna hide his feelings for jisung? and bury it deep down? whilst a part of him wanted to do that out of habits and probably his own safety from getting hurt again, there was also something inside of him that didn't.

but why so? why was hyunjin also feeling this type of way? he'd never experienced this before, usually he'd just bury everything down. but this, this was completely different; was it because of the fact everything changed?

from when jisung found him in the streets and kindly let him in his house and fed him, clothed him, took great care of him. was that why? because of jisung's kindness and selfless actions? was he someone entirely special to everyone else?

was that possibly why hyunjin wanted to tell him? because he didn't want this feelings to just deteriorate effortlessly and meaninglessly? because he wanted jisung, himself, to know how much he appreciate and loves him for everything he'd done?

after all, jisung has done nothing but took care of him and loved him genuinely. but then again, what if he rejects him? and abandons him like everyone else? or even worse, he'd end up losing him like everyone that once came into his life.

hyunjin didn't want that, he didn't wanna lose jisung because of this. out of his selfishness and reckless actions. it wasn't a lie that he was terrified, just when he'd started trusting people once again, just when he'd overcame everything.

not to forget about his last relationship, with his former boyfriend. with the way he did nothing but mentally, physically and psychologically abused him for months, and even years. hyunjin didn't want that to repeat over and over again.

he still hadn't gotten over it yet, neither will he ever forget it. it was just so vivid for him to forget, he could even remember every single second and moment of it, he didn't want that to happen to him anymore. he doesn't wanna get abused again.

that being said, is he really ready to confess? and even getting into a relationship once again? when he still haven't fully recovered, maybe his feelings for jisung would have to be on a hold. after all, jisung isn't even there.

since all he thinks about is that changbin guy. maybe he'll never notice him, and possibly love him back. all of this, is just futile; nothing will change in his life.

he can never have jisung. not matter how much he begs and desires it.

"hyung?" a gentle voice called for him, this making hyunjin snap out of thoughts to look at the younger, who gave him a soft look.