PSYCHE-KSJ•JHS✔️

|9|

|SEOKJIN|

"... because you're never listening to me and you wonder why I always want to spend time with you." Paris follows me around as she talks.

"We live together. We eat together. We have a baby together. We sleep together sometimes. I'm trying and you act like I'm not." I counter.

"Because you're doing the bare minimum! That's all that is. All you do is take care of London, you barely pay any attention to me."

Surprise, surprise. She's making this about her. A conversation that started about finding a daycare or permanent babysitter for our daughter is being made about her. Because god forbid that be an important topic.

We don't even need a full time babysitter. I can come home straight from work. But no. Paris wants me to drop her off at work in the morning, pick her up from work after, go out with her every other day of the week like we don't have a child to raise.

Now she's on something totally different saying she does it because I don't spend enough time with her. I'm always with her. When I try to have conversations with her, she makes everything sexual. There's no substance to them.

I don't know where she's coming from with all of this spending time and love talk. We've never had conversations like that. There was never a need to.

"You don't show me that you care at all, Jin."

"I practically work for both of us, I make sure that everything is in line for you so you don't have to stress about anything! I offer to pay for the childcare for London so we don't have to depend on Jania and you don't want me to do that. I don't what else I'm supposed to do for you." I tell her.

"You don't touch me! We rarely have sex and when we do, it's months or weeks apart. I have needs." She brings it up like it's a casual topic of conversation.

"Do you ever think that maybe I'm fucking tired? Has that ever crossed your mind? All the running around I do for you plus my full time, sometimes overtime job and our five month old child. I'm tired."

"So what? I get tired too and I still want you. If you're cheating on me, you can just say it. You don't have to lie about it."

My eyes widen at her accusation. "Me? Cheating? Paris, you fucked me while your boyfriend was at home waiting for you to 'get off of work'. You're not even in this house half the time because you're fucking somebody from your job. You have a track record of cheating on people and you're accusing me?"

"I'm not having sex with him. We just go out from time to time. We're friends. It's the only way that I can get you to pay attention to me. And Keith cheated on me first. I told you that. You never touch me anymore, Jin. It feels like you don't care about me." Her voice cracks as she starts to cry.

"You only pay attention to London and work. I just want you to be with me."

"I do care about you, Paris. I'm just... things are hard on me right now. I'm trying, okay?"

That's not a complete lie. I do care about her to some degree, just not the way she wants me to. We have a baby together. Of course I don't want anything terrible to happen to her.

I'm just not in love with her.

"Would you try harder if it were Jania?" She asks me quietly and I look at her. I know why she's asking and that in itself is an issue. Her and her mother alway tells Jania that she needs to get over what happened but they're the only ones that ever bring it up.

"I wouldn't have to try with her. It would just be there."

I don't need to specify what 'it' is. We both know. There would be no questioning anything if I had this situation with Jania. Jania never feel the way that Paris feels because I love her.