✨ Oneshots ✨

Beware Of Darkness - Brian and John (platonic, angst)

TW: dark thoughts, mentions of depression & illness, general sadness/problems. 

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March 1990

It wasn't even late, only noon. But it felt like an endless night for the guitarist.

His marriage was falling out, his dad was very ill and so was Freddie at this point. It didn't feel fair. Nothing seemed to get back to normal, and when Brian wasn't seeing his band mates, he felt like breaking down and crying. Sometimes that's what he did; all he could do.

Emily, his 3-year-old daughter, was with him today, so the man did his best to seem normal. But the toddler seemed to pick up on that.

Jimmy and Louisa were at school still, since Emily was too young to go, she was here.

"Daddy. Daddy? You sad?" Emily tugged on her dad's shirt sleeve.

-

Brian didn't respond for a minute, causing concern in the girl, "Hm? Oh, I.. I guess I am sad." 

"Oh no!" The little girl said and frowned as she climbed onto Brian's lap, giving him a hug.

"Thank you, Emily." Brian muttered, feeling the warmth for a minute before sinking back in his chair.

There was knocking on the door, and though he wanted to, Brian couldn't get up. He was scared of who might be there. "What if it's Chrissy and she's going to take Emily for good? Or someone with bad news about my dad, like my mum?" 

-

Emily carefully walked over to the front door, looking out the window before turning her head towards Brian's direction. "Deacy's here!" She announced.

"Okay, you can let 'im in." Brian said quietly, thinking up what to say.

The toddler opened the door and looked up at her tall uncle, not speaking for a minute. 

"Hello, Emily. Is your Daddy home?" John asked gently, crouching down to her height.

-

"Yes, but he's sad. Why he's not here wi' you." Emily did her best to talk, though John understood.

"Oh, thank you. May I come in?" The bassist received a nod of approval.

John sighed as he walked over to the second oldest member of the band, he actually was looking to find comfort and to get away from his own home life. Roger was busy, and well.. Deacy couldn't visit Freddie. And Veronica was getting angry at him.

"Bri? How do you feel?" The shy man sat next to his friend who was still looking spaced out.

-

"Not good. Life's not fair, Deacy." The guitarist said with almost a bit of anger. 

John's fastest answer was simply, "I know."

"My Daddy doesn't feel well!" Emily cried as she realised what was happening.

John held out his arms for whoever would embrace them, it was a different action than he usually did, but he saw this was upsetting. Emily climbed into her uncle's lap, hugging him.

-

"It's okay, Emily. Have you been with your Daddy all day?" Deacy wondered.

"Yes. Daddy, not Mummy, or Jimmy, or Louisa." She spoke slowly.

"Thank you, Em," John said as he pulled out car keys out of his pocket, giving it to the child to distract her without having her leave. He's the ultimate dad. "Or I used to be. Not anymore."  The younger man corrected.

"I actually came here because I wanted to break free. Ronnie and I have been arguing when the kids are asleep or aren't home." John admitted as he dandled Emily on his knee.

-

Brian frowned in sympathy, feeling less like a bad father, and now he had a question. "Do you ever feel like a bad dad?" The words escaped his mouth before he could think.

"I do, actually. A lot. I missed so many milestones being on tour and she got stuck with four kids the whole time. I feel awful." That statement cut like a knife to Brian.

Emily wasn't understanding nor was she listening to the conversation, luckily, completely interested in the keys and motion of bouncing.

"I'm sorry it's been hard for you." Brian offered comforting words to John, knowing he didn't open up like this much.

-

"That's all right. But are you okay?" The bass player redirected the guitarist's attention. 

Brian debated whether to answer truthfully. "Not really. I'm so, so scared. Especially of losing my kids."

"You won't lose them." 

Brian finally got up from his seat, going to get something. He came back with two glasses of water, handing one to John.

--

After an hour, John set Emily down—who didn't want to leave his lap, probably because Brian's been depressed— and took his car keys. "Thanks for having me. But I can't stay, I've got to get back." 

"No, Uncle Deacy! Pwease say!" Emily asked him to stay, mirroring her dad's emotions.

"Sorry, but I can't. I have to get home to my family." John told Emily, though it got through Brian too.

"We'll see him soon, Em." Brian assured his daughter and picked her up for a genuine hug.

-

The two said goodbye, and when John left, Brian went to the other room and cried.

The sound of knocking appeared again, and Emily rushed to the door. She opened it without checking, too excited that John was back.

"Freddie! John went bye-bye, so I wanted him back." Emily was talking well, to the singer's surprise.

"I bet you did, lovey. Can I come in?" Freddie smiled and the girl let him inside.

-

"Daddy! Daddy! Freddie here!" Emily said as she ran to the other room.

Brian walked to the front room, knowing his daughter didn't lie about something like that, "Fred." He gasped.

"Yes, dear. I would like to visit for a bit, if you don't mind." The singer was calm.

Brian couldn't help but give his friend a hug, though it was a delicate one. Freddie hugged back harder, showing he was the same personality.

But the guitarist still started to cry, not able to resist his feelings.

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Word count:  956