✨ Oneshots ✨

Everybody's Trying To Be My Baby - Ineffable Husbands

Maybe I should write a separate oneshot book for them.. This isn't a completely original idea, but it's my own take on it.

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It was late at night, probably around ten. Harsh and howling weather knocked against windows and doors of the shops.

The demon slouched on a chair, slowly flipping through pages of the liner notes to a CD. He rather liked doing humanly things, including sleeping and driving. Having a CD and cassette collection was another.

Aziraphale, meanwhile, was re-organising his books on the shelves, and nearly jumped when he heard a noise from the front door.

"All right, hang on.." He went to check, so focused he was not aware of Crowley slithering behind him, and gasped as he lifted something —quite cold— out of a basket.

"Crowley, look at—" he got distracted. "Er, this."

"Who'd leave it like that? It's freezing out there!" He was suddenly defensive. A feeling had hit.

"Well, we can't leave.. Let's warm the poor thing up, shall we." The angel decided, cradling it to his chest.

Crowley hurried to go find something to wrap it in, and fumbled around, frustratingly. "Ugh. Fire extinguishers, cocoa, tea.. Paper.. Angel! Where d'you keep a blanket?" 

"Under that table, there." Aziraphale examined the mammal in his arms, "don't worry, he's going to get you something warmer.." He assured it.

The creature fussed in response, colour returning to its bleary face.

--

It was wrapped in a soft blanket, and that seemed to calm it down, as the other two thought what could have happened. 

There must be a reason for leaving a baby outside.. No older than a year or two.

"I think.. I think they're hungry. I mean, not crying  hungry. But look at 'em. Has to be at some point." Crowley reasoned, unable to figure out why the child was here.

Aziraphale went to get some cow milk, pouring it into a cup that he'd magically shaped into something with a lid, so it wouldn't spill. There weren't many food options here. Besides, what did they eat? Aziraphale only knew for sure that babies drank milk.

-

"Angel, you don't expect me to—" Crowley started, as the cup of milk was put into his hand.

"Yes. Look how happy they seem in your lap."

Indeed, the baby cried once more when the angel tried to lift them up, as if to prove his point.

Crowley stared for a minute, with a scowl, "oh, fine." He huffed, obliging. Secretly, he didn't mind.

The baby settled and drank the cow milk peacefully, brushing their hand against his red hair. 

-

That's adorable, isn't it? The angel thought blissfully, he loves the little one.

"Ma! Be aaah!" They babbled at Crowley, sensing an almost, if possible, maternal presence.

"I am not your mother," he growled, irritatedly, but that only caused them to laugh.

"You want my name? It's Crowley. C-r-o-w-l-e-y. Not 'Mama'." 

"I'm not sure they know how to spell, Crowley.."

Now the child had a better idea of who this tall person was, smirking. They hadn't thought to fully say 'mama', only halfway, as many babies speak. 

Thanks to the dude* with bright hair and dark clothing, it was given the idea. "Mama!"