Teen Titans: New Beginnings (rewrite)

Chapter 44: Titans East

A/N: Happy New Year! So sorry about the delay. I know there's no excuse. I had an injury that took over my life when I started rehabilitating, and I never should have let it over take my writing. I got really depressed and then realised I wasn't doing one of the things I love most.

***Blade's POV***

Titans East shows up hoping to help in any way that they can and I see her, Argent. She was my only friend when I was with Slade. She looks good, healthy, happy. I'm happy that someone got her out. We thought we were doing good. I should have believed her when she said that we were actually the bad guys. I didn't want to believe that my dad and sister were bad, but when I saw what these kids and the adults do I realized that I was the bad guy.

Argent motions to meet me privately and I follow her.

"It's good to see you," Argent says, "I'm glad you got out of there. But why didn't you try to find me? Why didn't you come to me? I've been worried about you and you've been here, safe, the whole time."

"I'm sorry. I should have tried to get a hold of you," I say, "I guess I was just running from my past. They don't even know about my past, and it's going to stay that way."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want them to look at me with pity. I don't need their pity."

"Even out from under his thumb you're still letting him control you."

"What do you mean?"

"The way he raised you. To be unfeeling. You could be happy. You can finally let people in but his training is still ingrained into your mind. In the end it's going to hurt. The longer you wait to tell them the more likely it is for them to not trust you for a longer time."

"I'll tell them when Slade is in custody where I know he won't break out or when Slade is dead. If I tell them he will kill them and make me watch."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"Argent. In case anything happens to me, I need you to tell them. I have letters written for each of them. Once Slade no longer presents a problem, can you give the letters to them? Only if something happens to me. There's also videos."

"I promise I will if it happens. But Blade, please don't get reckless. Don't die on me. You're the only person that understands me. You're the only one that ever will."

"I'll try to stay alive."

We walk to the training room and then back to the living room.

"Hey, where'd you two go?" BB asks

"I wanted a tour. To see the tower. The others have been here before." Argent says.

"So I offered to since I need to get my exercise in anyway." I say.

Argent walks over to Titans East and excitedly tells them about the tower. I guess we both still have our training. I wonder if we'll ever truly leave it behind.

"You ready to go up to the roof?" Akita asks.

"Yeah," I say, "Thank you again for understanding."

I tell Bats that we're going for a walk and we head up to the roof.

"I still can't believe that you can lie to Batman without him realizing you're lying." BB says.

"I'm the only one not scared of him." I say.

"So, anything in particular you want to talk about today?" Akita asks.

"I'll only meet her once a week now. Which is nice." I say "It kinda sucks that I still feel like I can't talk about everything to anyone. People only know bits and pieces. Nobody but me knows the whole story."

"So why not change that?" BB asks.

"I wish I could." I say "Bats said I shouldn't talk about the future to anyone, but I already told Rob. I just can't tell it to anyone else. We can't risk anyone trying to interfere with the future that I'm trying to prevent. If Slade or any other bad guy were to find out that I went to the future they could take me and try to use my knowledge to make sure that the future where they rule still happens."

"Wow," Akita says, "I didn't realize how much you trust Rob. I thought you still like him a lot less than you like the rest of us."

"He was the first to reach out after I came back from the future. The first one that forced me to take down my walls." I say "He understands me in a way that I don't think anyone else can. He's seen people die."

"Someone dies in the future?" BB asks.

"Spoiler alert. A lot of people die, but that's not the point. I have a chance to save people most people don't get that chance. Their loved one dies and there's nothing they can do. I think he silently wished he was given the chance to save his loved ones. But he also decided that without that moment he wouldn't be where he is today and he wouldn't trade it for the world." I say "So I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Is something not going to happen that's supposed to that's good? That's for the better?"

"I guess that's a question for you to answer," Akita says, "Is what you saw worth letting happen for the slim chance that something good happens? Are all the deaths you saw worth that one moment? If not, then save them. Save our future. Forget about the one happy good moment and make sure that this world doesn't become the desolate place you saw."

"Thank you," I say.

"We should get back downstairs, see whose on patrol where today." BB says.

We head downstairs. I head to my room because we still have a bit of time since Bats is still bringin Titans East up to speed.

When I get into my room I head to my bedside table and reach underneath opening the secret compartment. Inside is everything I know from working with Slade, everything he's ever sent me. I grab a piece of parchment unfolding it, revealing a map with red and blue x's. The red x's represent where Slade's hide outs are. The blue x's represent where all I've looked. There's only one place left that I know he still uses and one place I know he abandoned long ago. That's where I'll go and I'll anonymously send Bats to the other one.

I fold the map up and put it back.

'Am I ready for this?' I ask myself.

I don't know if I'll ever be ready for this. This is the part where I could die. This is the part I've been dreading. The reason I asked Argent to give them the letters that sit in a container under my bed. Is all this worth it? I don't know. I have to try. If I save the future and make sure it's bright then that means Slade dies and if Slade dies I die for good. If I keep it the same then my friends die and I'm finally released from Slade's grasp. This is the choice I have to make. So I choose my friends. My life no longer matters.

I leave my room and head for the living room. I know I head towards my friends salvation and maybe that's what'll keep me going until I have fulfilled what needs to be done. I just hope that one day they can forgive me.

A/N: It's a new year. Take care of yourself. Whatever you're going through take it one step at a time. Don't go by everyone else's expectations. Heck it's hard to even go by your own expectations. So just take it one step at time. Each persons steps are going to look different no matter what. We each handle things differently. If you fall back or mess up or whatever it's okay. Get back up and try again. I know that it's hard to get back up. It's one of the hardest things because your afraid that it'll happen again. That all your good at is falling. But I'm here to tell you that you can do it. If you don't keep trying you'll never know. It's okay to not know what happens after, or who you are after, all that matters is right now you're the the best you you can be right now. It's your life so take it by the riens and hold on. If you have a partner or partners lean into them. Let them help you. You are a team after all don't go at it alone. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.