Secrets | Woosan

19

"Yunho—get the fuck out."

Ignoring the elder's words, Yunho rambled around his desk and sat down in a discarded chair. After rolling across the room, he looked up at San and sent him a small smile. "San, we've known each other since we were kids, I know when you're about to cry. And right now you look like you're trying so hard not to cry you're about to throw up."

"I'm not..." he said quietly.

"Just tell me what what's wrong."

San let out a dramatic sigh, knowing if he uttered one word he would become a emotional wreck. "Just drop it," he whispered, eyes fixed on the desk in front of his as his vision began to blur.

Although he couldn't see all of San's face, Yunho could still see the light reflecting off his eyes to reveal how truly upset he was. Even after twenty years of friendship, Yunho couldn't recall a time he'd seen San express anything besides anger.

A tear slipped down San's cheek regardless of how hard he tried to hold it back. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Yunho," He spoke, his voice trembling. Looking up at the ceiling, San wondered if there was some universal secret to stop unwanted tears. "It feels like I'm not allowed to be happy."

"San, you don't have to keep doing this if you're not happy," Yunho said softly as he placed a hand on San's arm.

The elder leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "I've never been good at this, I always do something wrong—and somebody always ends up hurt. I'm just not as strong as my dad was, you know?"

"You're the strongest person I've ever known," Yunho responded quickly yet sincerely. A small smile formed on his lips as he felt tears of his own forming in the corners of his eyes, "I knew your dad really well and still I think you're stronger than he was. You have so much love, San, you truly care so much...I couldn't say the same thing about him."

Hot tears raced down San's cheeks upon hearing those words. That very reason was why he felt as if he was failing: he cared too much. His father had never once felt guilty about taking somebody's life, yet it broke San more and more every time. And just the mere thought of Wooyoung knowing made him feel so ashamed. "I'm afraid that Wooyoung is going to think I'm disgusting."

"Do you think you're disgusting?" Yunho asked quietly; however, he already knew the answer.

The younger only shrugged before mumbling, "I never wanted to kill people...but my dad never gave me the option."

"San..." Yunho started, "You don't have to do any of this."

"The second I took over for my dad there was no turning back."

✨✨✨

A small woman holding a baby opened the front door to her home and raised an eyebrow at the man standing in front of her.

"Good evening, Mrs Lee," he said formally before he bowed to the woman, "I'm Choi San."

A small smile formed on her lips as she bowed just enough to not disturb the little girl in her arms. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Choi."

"May I come inside?" She quickly nodded, stepping out of the doorframe so San could make himself at home. After leading the man to her living room, they sat down across from each other. "Mrs Lee, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, your husband was a very hardworking and honorable man. I cannot even begin to fathom how hard this must be for you."

The woman's eyes welled with tears at the mere mention of her late husband. "I'm not sure if I've quite registered it yet. It just feels like he's gone working late..." she whispered.

"This line of work...it isn't easy for anybody, Mrs Lee, and I wish your family could have gotten through unscathed," San said softly before glancing down at the baby bouncing around happily in her mother's lap.

Two tears raced down her cheeks yet she still shook her head. "We both knew the risks. Minjun loved his job...and he respected you very much, Mr Choi."

San sent the woman a sad smile, "I enjoyed working with him." There were a few moments of silence before he added, "Anything you need, Mrs Lee, whether it's to do with finances or just needing mental support, I'll take care of it."

The woman bowed as best as she could with the baby still in her lap. "Thank you—thank you so much," she sobbed.

✨✨✨

Wooyoung plodded through his apartment grumbling to himself about how the world hated him after hearing a knock on the door. First Yeosang had abandoned their plans for the night to go to his boyfriends house and now there was probably somebody trying to sell him bibles at the door.

Not even bothering to look through the little hole on the door, Wooyoung swung it open to reveal San standing there awkwardly. "Oh..." he whispered, hoping the the elder hadn't heard him mumbling so belligerently seconds before, "What are you doing here?"

Not having any energy left to speak at all, San took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Wooyoung's torso.

Wooyoung's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He wasn't quite sure if he was supposed to be worried or happy with the sudden affection. From the moment he met San it was obvious that the elder wasn't the type of person to display or even like skin ship. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, gently running his fingers through San's hair.

It had grown much longer over the months; however, Wooyoung didn't mind. He thought that San looked just as handsome regardless of whether his hair was long or short, but it was a lot more fun to play with when it was long.

"I just didn't want to go home..." San said as quiet as he could so his voice wouldn't break.

"Yeosang isn't home so you don't have to worry about him being mean to you," Wooyoung said as he let go of San only to pull him into his apartment seconds later.

"I told you to call me when you were by yourself."

A small smile formed on Wooyoung's lips before he shrugged. "You seemed busy earlier, I didn't want to distract you."

"You're not," San said quickly, the words flying past his lips before he even got the chance to think about if they made sense. "You're not a distraction," he corrected.

Wooyoung put his hands on either side of San's face and examined his features. "You can talk to me if something's going on...you know that, right?"

Placing a hand gently on the back of the younger's head, San leaned forward and connected their lips in a soft kiss. "Yeah—I know. I just...don't really want to talk about it."

"Ok," Wooyoung whispered, their faces still only inches apart, "that's fine." 

———

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