Secrets | Woosan

29

Wooyoung pulled his fingers through San's short hair, eyes glued to the tv playing in front of him. He was laying flat on his back across the length of the leather couch of San's living room while the elder laid on top of him, placing his head in the crook of Wooyoung's neck.

The two hadn't talked much over the past few days and neither of them felt as if it was necessary to do so anyway. San had spoken a lifetime worth of words and he needed some time to stay silent and Wooyoung was fine just spending time together not talking about any heavy stuff.

"Are you asleep?" Asked Wooyoung when he looked down to see San's eyes closed.

A small hum came out of the elder before his eyes fluttered opened to look up at him. "No, I'm just laying here," he responded softly.

"You're very pretty, Sannie," Wooyoung whispered

"Stop it..." he mumbled as a small smile formed on his lips.

"But you're my pretty boy..."

"Wooyoung."

"Don't be mad at the truth, Mr Choi," Wooyoung stated flatly.

With a sigh, San laid his head back down on Wooyoung's chest and decided to let Wooyoung win. He wasn't quite sure why, but simply hearing Wooyoung's words made him feel like he could break down at any moment. Wooyoung still thought so highly of him even after finding everything out and San just didn't get it.

"What're you thinking about?" Wooyoung asked softly.

Propping his head up once again to look at the younger, he shrugged. "Everything I guess..." whispered San.

A small hum came from the younger as he examined the expression on his boyfriend's face. The frown resting on his lips and the tone of his voice suggested he really didn't want to talk about it any further.

"Y'know..." Wooyoung started softly, deciding to change the subject in hopes of cheering the elder up from his gloomy mood, "my mom texted me last night asking when she can meet you."

San perked up at his words. "You told your parents about me?" He asked, a subtle smile flickering across his face.

"Of course I did..." the boy whispered as he lifted one of his hands to pinch San's cheek, "You're my boyfriend, Sannie."

San's face fell almost unnoticeably before his eyes trailed around the room. He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and scream and tell Wooyoung how stupid he was for staying.

Heart rate quickening, San felt an unbearably uncomfortable lump forming in his throat. "I just...I need a minute..." he whispered before getting off of Wooyoung and walking in the direction of his bedroom.

San closed the door behind him and laid down in the center of his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "I need your help one more time, mom, just one more time...please," he pleaded quietly, turning his head to stare at the picture on his nightstand through his blurry eyes. "You stayed..." the boy spoke as tears rolled down his cheeks and onto his silk sheets, "I'm going to turn out just like him—I can't hurt Wooyoung."

He looked at his mother's smiling face in the picture and wished that smile never had to fall. "He's positive about everything just like you...but I'll fuck it up in the end, I always have. That's what dad always told me."

There was a small knock on the door before it was slowly pushed open. "I had a feeling you weren't okay..." Wooyoung said softly as he walked into the room. 

Attempting to fool the younger into thinking he hadn't been crying, San quickly wiped his cheeks dry. No matter how fast he wiped them away, there were always more ready to take their place.

"The only way I can figure out how to help you is if you talk to me," spoke Wooyoung as he sat down on the edge of the bed, making sure to give San a little space.

"You're ruining your life," San sobbed at last, finally sitting up to look at his boyfriend, "a—and for what? I'm nothing, Wooyoung, I'm a failure who can't do anything right! Why do you love me!?"

A gentle smile rested on Wooyoung's lips as he placed a hand on the side of San's face. He rubbed his thumbs of the elder's slick cheeks and whispered a simple, "oh Sannie..." 

Letting the Wooyoung pull him towards him, San rested his head on the boy's chest and felt a set of arms wrap securely around him. Although everything he'd been taught contradicted that very moment, he stopped fighting and let everything out. San finally let himself feel everything, the grief of losing his mother as well as the fear of losing Wooyoung that same way. 

Wooyoung put his hand on the back of San's head, letting his fingernail scratch gently at his scalp.  Sometimes it seemed as if San was still that traumatized little boy. The second he was born, everything was taken from him, his childhood, his freedom, and his happiness. And Wooyoung could assume the boy's whole life had been torture. He'd never done as much as hit somebody, let alone forced by his own father to point a gun at somebody.

"It's okay, Sannie," the boy spoke gently as he tightened his arms around the elder. San was a distant light in a pitch black tunnel and Wooyoung had no idea how to reach him. He just hoped one day he'd finally be able to catch up.  

———

Would you guys be interested in more flashbacks to San's childhood or was that one enough?? 

Thanks for reading <3