Reconnection (L.H.)

Chapter 36 - One Short Week

The time seems to slow down more and more as I wait for Luke to come back. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've gotten back to where I wake up in the middle of the night and have the urge to hurt myself. Sometimes I will be able to tell myself Luke will be back soon, but other times the urge is so strong and I have to or I feel like all my pain won't be released. Bloodied cuts and dried scars aren't as bad as some other things I could do to myself. I don't really feel the urge to die, as much the urge to enforce pain upon myself with a blade. I would rather cut then be scarred on the inside with lack of escape and weakening myself on the inside. No one can stop me. The only people who know are halfway across the world right now.

My parents have grown worried that I don't eat enough. I do eat, plenty enough. I actually just snack constantly so I don't have full meals. I've gained weight. I'm not as healthy as I would like to be. I just can't save myself from disaster. When I'm sad, upset, or anything like that, I eat and eat... I wish I could just stop. Luke isn't much help. He always tells me that it's best if I eat, I should be proud of myself for still eating, but that's not the case. I'm disgusted that I eat so much.

Just one short week and maybe my life may go back to normal. Maybe. That's possible right? If Luke has a bit of a break, I'll be healthy again. As time goes on I should get more comfortable being away from him. I should get better, and more reassurance that he will in fact make it back. I should be getting better, but I don't know if I can. Him being gone destroys me.

We were reconnected, now we are disconnected yet again.

Snapping out of my thoughts, and back into reality, I look at the time.

12:01am

He always calls me right on time. He's never a minute late... Is he busy? I should call him, right? That's the right thing to do instead of freaking out, right?

I go onto Skype and go to his name and call him. He picks up.

"Oh hi." I say when I see that it's Ashton and not my Lukey.

"Luke is in the bathroom, so please don't freak out and be all upset and stuff. I promise he's in the bathroom and not ignoring you."

"I just wasn't sure. I'm not that kind of girl, I swear."

"Good." He says, just sitting there.

"Umm... How's that girl you met in America?"

"Oh she's amazing! We are official and I can't wait to see her again."

"That's great!"

"When she graduates college she plans to move to Australia with me!" He says so excitedly. It makes me happy that he seems so happy.

"That's amazing. I'm glad she can make you happy." I say, smiling towards the camera. It's weird talking through skype, but that's just how it is dating a 'punk rocker'... I think it's more of a 'wanna be' stage... Just saying. We all know they aren't punk rock... 'I'm wearing a damn pony shirt', 'I have to ask my mum'... Hmm... But I still love those boys to death.

"Oh he's back. Have fun." He says, giving Luke his phone.

"Hi sweets." He says, wearing just a towel.

"Hi Mr. Hemmings." I say, smiling at his lack of clothing.

"I can't get dressed until we are done video chatting. I can't ruin your innocence."

"Well, not yet."
"Why do we have to wait till marriage?" He asks.

"Because I have beliefs and I am going to follow them."

"I know babe. I know. I love you, with your stupid beliefs and all."

"Luke, you wore a purity ring throughout high school..." I say, laughing at the poor boy.

"I was just kidding. I want to wait till marriage too." He says, sitting down in his bed.

"How's your day been?" I ask him, curious for what he's been doing. It's probably the same as always.

"More fans and stuff. Just the usual. Yours?"

"Umm... bored as usual... That's really all." I admit. My days are pretty uneventful, like all the time.

"Just one week till you get to see me again."

"Yeah, but you'll be exhausted after the concert."

"I'll stay up with you that night. You are my one true love afterall."

"I won't make you stay up. We'll have a whole two or three months."

"I really need to go. The guys wanna play a game and my phone is dying."

"Yeah, I need some sleep.... I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Sleep well." He says, and hangs up.

Just. One. More. Week.

Please hurry quickly week. I dont have time for more waiting around...

Hey guys. this book is so close to ending akjdfka;ldka thank you so much for 17k. yall are hella rad xx