Another Chance ( A Romanogers Story )

13 - two broken hearts

chapter 13
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Steve stayed in silence after that, so Natasha raise her head to look at him. His expression was so sincere. So he did feel lonely without her, he did mean it when he said She mean so much to him and he did missed her so much.

Natasha never thought in her life there will be someone feeling a great loss when she's no longer to be seen, she then realise she does has a lot of peoples that cares about her. The Avengers, her family, her friends, she wonders what happens if she didn't came back, will they continue to grieve for her? will they continue to miss her? or will they eventually forget her soon? Natasha hated the fact that everytime she is trying to think good, there's always a bit of bad thoughts that slipped in her mind.

"I'm really sorry if you feel uncomfortable Nat." Steve said as he sighed. "I always happen to lose someone in my life, then you're there for me, but suddenly I have to face the fact that I'll never see you again. It broke my heart into pieces knowing that you're gone." Steve added with teary eyes.

"No Steve, it's fine. I understand." Natasha replied as she put one of her hand to hold Steve's face. "I'm sorry, I should've think about you guys, but I don't got any other choices, it seemed like there was no other way and it's only right if it's me who sacrificed." She said sadly.

"Don't say that Nat. There's always another way but I was too scared of wasting the time we had so I stated no do-overs." Steve said with guilt. "I should've thought about it longer and I should've known more information about everything." He added.

"Steve, both you and I know how much we wanted to bring everyone back. Please don't put this burden on you." Natasha said sadly.

"But there wasn't supposed to be any trading lives." Steve said with tears. "I'm really sorry Natasha.. I'm sorry to make you experience such things.. I'm sorry that you have to had nightmares again.. I'm sorry to make you feel this way.. I'm sorry to for not looking after you and I'm sorry to create this chaos in your feelings." He added crying. "You've gone through a lot Nat, you deserve to be happy." Steve said sadly avoiding eye contacts with her. "I was suppose to be a good friend, but instead I made a mistake, I was careless and blinded by our duty." Steve added looking down.

"Hey Steve." Natasha said in concern. "Hey, look at me." She said again as she put another hand on his face to make him look at her. "Stop crying okay?" She said sadly. "It is nobody's fault. We did what we think was right and you know you're a good friend Steve, you always are." Natasha stated firmly.

"I was too naive, and that caused me to lose you." Steve replied with an empty sight and a broken smile.

"First of all, no you're not naive. Saving the world is always our priority Steve and when we know there's a chance for it, of course we had to take the chance and do it right away. Then second, you never lose me Steve, you never will because I promise you I will be with you till the end of the line." Natasha said with a smile trying to encourage him as she removed both of her hands from his face.

Steve moved his eyes to look at her again, their eyes are finally locked. Natasha is of course still surprised of the sight she is seeing in front of her, the Captain America crying, not just a drop of tear but a lot of tears and she could felt a really painful feeling coming from him. Is it a crazy thought for her if she think Steve doesn't look this broken at Peggy's funeral? But why is he like this for her? For losing her? There's no way she could have meant more to him more than Peggy could she? Natasha was lost in her thoughts but she snapped out of it.

Then the thought of her not coming back to live started to haunt her again, what if she didn't? Will Steve keep blaming himself for the rest of his live? She knows him long enough to realise that he always keep a burden to himself, she know he always blames himself for every mistakes and she knows he tried as hard as he can to not cry or let any tears out in any circumstances, but what she didn't know was that she meant that much to him that it brings down all of his walls right now, she didn't know how painful the things he has gone through.

It must be hard for him, to lose his home, to lose his world, to lose his friends and everyone he knows. That after a snap, he loses everything again. Or perhaps not everything because she is still with him. But Natasha knows, she's not enough, she never will be. Even though she mean that much to him, the lives of a billion people will always be his choice, their choice.

Different in Steve mind, the thoughts of Natasha not coming back to live is like the worst nightmare he will have to face in his life. Is it selfish if he thinks that it's better to not bring everyone back than losing her? He is Captain America, the hero that will always put other people's first but deep inside him, he is still the Steve Rogers that loved Natasha Romanoff.

Luck? Gift? Nobody knows an explanation of why Natasha and Tony are alive again. But whatever it is, Steve thought it as a blessing that he will forever cherish.

After having a long silent moment, busy on their on thoughts, Steve couldn't help it but did another big mistake that he definitely didn't have time to think about the consequences anymore because he's just really tired, tired of being a hypocrite, tired of hiding his feeling, tired of not admitting his love for her.

So Steve lean closer to her and give her a soft kiss on her lips while he closes both of his eyes.