her? ⇢ chensung ✔

neunundvierzig

jisung opened his eyes to the familiar place of his bedroom, confused on what exactly happened. he looked around and there was no sign of the familiar image of his boyfriend, instantly jolting him up.

instead of trying to frantically call chenle and find out where he is, jisung did almost nothing, more like he was not able to do anything as he still felt as if the world was spinning violently around him.

"you're awake...? i was waiting for you to wake up...it's been one and a half hours when you were passed out..."

jisung looked up to see chenle looking longingly at him, the same way he last saw when the older was in his arms. "i passed out for one and a half hours? ugh...i don't know what went through me at that point..."

chenle approached him silently, manifesting a nervous smile along with it. "i-it's alright...i really did overwhelm you, that's why..."

jisung sighed as he was starting to get frustrated with the unusual self-deprecating sentences chenle was uttering. he pulled chenle into his lap for a quick kiss, something he was used to at this point. "you didn't overwhelm me in any way, what renjun-hyung said overwhelmed me, not you."

"b-but...this all started because of me...i'm the one who should be in blame here..." chenle trailed off as he recalled every single argument to prove jisung wrong in his defense.

"no, i was the idiot when i did not exactly realize you were not a girl, and it was my responsibility to tell my hyungs that it was a misunderstanding from my side, and nothing else," jisung stated, heaving a sigh. "renjun-hyung just put the blame on you, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong."

"what about the pretend relationship...? that was because of me, right...?"

"well...that's not a pretend relationship anymore though..." jisung snickered, more than glad to get something positive out of this. "to be honest, lele, i'm glad you called my parents and had to set up a fake relationship. i never regretted being with you, ever."

chenle couldn't help but let out a small smile at that. even if the pretend relationship was caused by a mishap from his side, it really did help in their relationship and he was more than glad to get jisung as his boyfriend.

but that smile instantly faded away as he realized he was the root cause of every single problem jisung had.

if it weren't for him being jisung's roommate, none of this would have happened. the younger could have lived his life freely minus the temper tantrums from his mother, graduated, and that too with merit.

but somehow, chenle had to ruin that all.

even though the relationship might sound like a good thing, it really didn't give jisung any good. all it did was wasting his time, and if jisung knew how to reject and was not just a dumbass, he would have left chenle for good.

jisung would have left chenle hurt, but it was for his own good and that is what was important to him.

tears started to flow out of his eyes as he clutched his nape as he cried on to his chest, the same pang of guilt hitting him. he merely held him close, not even asking anything as he knew it was because everything around him was way too overwhelming for him to handle.

"ji...d-do you...hate me...?" he choked out in-between his sobs.

"of course i don't...why would i? please...just don't hurt yourself because of something i did..."

"it's all my fault...! if it...weren't for me sharing dorms with you...nothing would have happened...! i just...ruined everything for you...and you should hate me for that..."

he pulled him up and looked at him comfortingly; he hated to see him loath himself this badly, especially with the self-esteem he usually has. "first of all, we both sharing the same dorm isn't your fault, it was purely out of luck. and i don't mind any sort of problem we're having right now, because i know our problems will just get lesser as time passes by. please don't give yourself up just because of this...i'll talk to junnie-hyung and we'll solve all of this-"

"no, ji. i had made my decision," he cut him off, his voice steadfast and assertive.

"made...what decision exactly...?" jisung asked, finally relieved that chenle was going to stand up for himself and talk all of his problems out-

"i can't do this anymore. we're over."

those words were like a scythe stabbing jisung right into his heart, and dragging it down his frame, almost tearing him in half.

jisung was basically frozen in place and he could feel the same blurry oblivion almost about to crash down on him again. his grip on chenle's waist grew tighter as he refused to believe what he just said. "say what again...?"

chenle sighed as he looked at jisung lifelessly, almost dropping down. "i said i'm over with this relationship, ji. it just only hurts us both in the time-being, and it only causes you more problems. you shouldn't ever have a burden like me with you."

and with that said, chenle squirmed out of jisung's grasp and climbed out of the bed, leaving the younger still in pure astonishment. "i'm sorry...but this is what i should have done before...you might have to just tell your parents otherwise..."

"no...lele...please don't go yet...!"

chenle heed no attention to jisung's words as he walked out of the room and shut the door, leaving jisung alone. chenle sighed as he took his belongings scattered all over the dorms and walked over to his room, packing everything up for another horrid surprise he was keeping from jisung for too long— he was dropping out because it really did not make any sense for him to pursue higher education anymore.

chenle took out his phone, sighing that this was probably the last day of college for him. "nana, can you come pick me up...? i have something to tell..." he trailed off as he tried to keep a steady tone in his voice.

a/n: god, my fetus writing is making me retch-

if you don't realize it, this draft is 4 months older than the previous chapter, and that's why it's so short and vaguely described, and just...ew, not as good as i write nowadays.

but i really can't do anything about it, can i?

the next chapter's also fetus writing, so you have to suffer my under-developed writing for one more chapter, i swear that won't happen in the chapter after it :'D </3