her? ⇢ chensung ✔

siebundsechzig

tw // detailed description of self-harm

another day dawned as jaemin and jeno woke up with nothing but worry encircling them, not sure on what to do with their mentally unstable friend.

after the incident, jaemin made sure to keep anything remotely sharp away from jisung's reach as much as he possibly could, even though the bandages wrapped round jisung's hands deem to be too stiff for him to move anyways. he made sure that they both kept a keen eye on the yougner so that he would not do such a thing ever again.

there is an unspoken limit to breaking down and letting your emotions take over you, and jisung has taken a step too far, that is what jaemin believed.

at one point, jaemin even wanted to strangle renjun for almost ruining jisung's life, albeit indirectly.

sighing, jaemin approached the younger as his expression manifested a cross of pleading and worry. "sungie..." he started, "please...don't do anything harsh to yourself while we're at class..."

jisung merely looked at him with an expression so stoic and feeble, it looked almost as if he was lifeless. his bandage-clad arms convulsed, a spot soaked with blood was evident on his scarrd arms. after a few seconds of contemplating, he spoke out. "i...won't, hyung."

"alright, just...take care of yourself, okay? we're going then..." jaemin spoke out as he walked out of the room with great difficulty, as he gently closed the door on the way, leaving jisung alone in the deafening silence.

meanwhile, jaemin and jeno were standing near the doorway, worried sick as they still did not find it right in their hearts to leave jisung alone and unsupervised. with a heavy heart however, they continued on for their classes.

🍂

time passed by as jisung felt as if the deafening silence was eating up his sanity. his eyes darted to random places in the room, not having the power to even move his hands lightly. he closed his eyes as he recalled what exactly happened before he ended up in this helpless state.

as renjun walked out of the door, jisung felt like he was going insane. out of all the people who could bring chenle back, it had to be renjun and only renjun, and if he were to be honest, he had no hope that he can ever bring chenle back.

heartbreak coursed through him as he felt as if his world was crumbling apart. spiraling down an ever-growing abyss of his intrusive thoughts, he felt his vision blur and darken as he felt his last shrapnel of sanity fragment to oblivion.

might as well if he could kill himself instead of enduring this never-ending loop of torture.

clutching his heavy head with his hands, jisung ran through his hair as his mind immediately clicked to the vague suggestion he had come up with. maybe, he could kill himself to escape the agony he had to power through.

after all, he was sure that no one needed someone like him, a freak who cuts himself.

and so he did, as he clenched his fists, jumping out of his bed as took to his wobbling heels to the kitchen to find the shining metal, gleaming prominently in the soberly evening light like they were chanting out his name.

he was to sharpen the already fading lines of dread, drawn from crimson to cerisse, forming scars, irreversible scars might i add, that would stay with him for the rest of his life.

a slight hiss fell from his lips as jisung felt the blade impaling through his skin, which gradually turned into relief as he calmed down, feeling the crimson droplets slowly drip down to the floor. that longed relief did not stay for long as his thoughts came back to cripple his sanity again, and hence, he drove the blade deeper.