My only source of light

[39]

By opening his eyes the determination can be read in them. This determination and enthusiasm has not been brought to the surface for a long time, more precisely since Mikey was still a teenager who did not know how to control his emotions and feelings well.

If he thinks well of it, he will find out that he has never been and will never be good at it. Emotions and feelings weigh heavily in every way possible for anyone, no matter where they come from or what they think.

These feelings are not easy to control, you will always get entangled in them and they will haunt you for the rest of your life.

You can't stop them and you can't tell them to stop.

There will always be a part of you, a small quarter of your body, a small part of your brain and half of your heart that has these emotions.

Mikey had known what he wanted to do since he was born, although that was hard to believe, especially for adults, who can't understand it. Even though there were always some protests, he avoided and ignored them.

He always wanted to follow his brother who was a hero to him, a role in life that he would follow. The older he got, the more these feelings overwhelmed him, making him experience many possibilities. 

After Shinichiro's death, everything had begun to change. At that time he was still a child, who was supposed to be always happy, but his brother's death affected him.

It had affected him even if he didn't let it be seen.  Mikey always hid his feelings after a smile, or a joke or a prank he always made. 

He didn't want to show his younger sister how hurt he was, he didn't want to worry his grandfather, didn't want to let him see how destroyed he was.

So Mikey kept everything to himself until, in the end, he couldn't, revealing his dark impulse that led him astray.

After a while, growing and maturing, he began to control these emotions, even though it was already too late for everything he had done in the past, which he could no longer fix.

By the time he was twenty, Mikey had begun to forget what those emotions were, he had begun to feel nothing about everything around him. And that doesn't just affect him. Some became more emotional, others less so.

But now, certain emotions, which he cannot justify, have emerged from behind the great wall that blocked them before. 

For Mikey, these emotions were new, he hadn't experienced them before, and he didn't know what to do with them. 

Something was telling him that he should forget everything, get rid of them, ignore them. But he knew that these emotions had to do with the new person who had entered his life without even asking. 

Thinking about it, another part of his mind told him not to do as he was told, to resist and fight for these feelings.

Sighing for the tenth time in a day, Mikey straightened his back, glanced at the cameras, making a road map for himself to use. 

When he had finished inspecting, he got up from his chair and then walked away from it. He made his way to the row of drawers with various necessities Mikey needed when he spent time here for a longer period of time. 

Arriving in front of it, he bends down a little and then opens a door that contains a code, after it was open he reveals two guns. 

They were the same, identical but at the same time dissimilar, graceful but dangerous. He picks them up until they get closer to his line of sight, then inspects them, taking care to check for bullets.