Forever (Chicago PD:Burzek)

Chapter 23

"Jay, what's your gut tell you about Ruzek?" Erin asked him as they ate. It was the first night they had been able to get together and she hated bringing work up but she was concerned for her friends.
"It's hard to tell, babe" Jay started as he pushed the food around on his plate " I know if I was in his shoes, I'd probably be acting the same way" he said a smile forming, thankful that wasn't the case. He grabbed her hand, "I do know we need to keep eyes on him, I don't know if he is going to let this go"
"I hope so for Kim's sake, she's making herself crazy worrying about him, things are rough for them" she said sighing.
Adam was staring blankly at the television, Kim wasn't sure he was even paying attention to game, which was odd since he lived and died for his Blackhawks. She wanted to tell him, to tell him how she felt. That she was having panic attacks again and that her dreams included DiMuccio again. Last night the dream was different, this time it involved Adam and he said ugly things to her, telling her she was dirty and that he didn't love her anymore. Kim knew the dream was crazy, and that Adam would never think those things of her, but the tiniest part of her, was afraid they might be true.
Finally she worked up the courage, "hey, Adam, can we talk?" It was if he was deaf, his eyes never leaving the screen. "Adam?" She repeated this time putting her hand on his thigh, quickly he turned facing her.
"Yea?" He asked "I'm sorry, just zoned out I guess, you ok?" His eyes searching her face for a hint.
"It's just I'm worried about you, you seem distant" she started afraid to go further than that.
"Nah, darlin' I'm good" he told her.
"Adam, no I don't think you are, at least I know I'm not." She told him getting up from the couch, surprised that she was becoming angry. "Dammit Adam, be honest with me and yourself, you aren't ok and haven't been in a few weeks" she said as she slammed the door to their bedroom.
Adam hearing the door slammed kicked at the coffee table, he hated that he couldn't be honest with her, but he felt so guilty. He should have protected her and he failed her, how could she still love him when he let someone hurt her. How could she forgive him, he let her down, and now that DiMuccio was walking the streets he sure as well wouldn't fail her again.
He wanted to go to her, to hold her in his arms, but what if she didn't trust him anymore, what if she didn't feel,safe with him he couldn't handle that. He never loved someone like he loved her, his heart would shatter if she rejected him.
Kim sat on the bed hugging her knees to her chest crying, knowing that Adam felt differently about her now, why else would he be freezing her out.
A light knocking on the door brought her out of it, the door slowly opened Adam almost hiding behind the door.
"Kim, I'm sorry" he started a lumping forming in his throat, his eyes betraying him and tears falling "I should have protected you, that bastard shouldn't have hurt you" he was leaning against the wall but he was overcome with emotion and slid down the wall sitting down head in his hands his body shaking with each sob.
Kim quickly jumped off the bed and was by his side in seconds bringing his head to her chest holding him, the way he had held her so many times "shh," she tried to soothe him. "Adam, this isn't your fault, you didn't fail me, you aren't to blame" she said kissing the top of his head. Her heart officially broken over Adam's confession. She had no idea he felt this way
"All this time, I thought your feelings for me changed, that you didn't love me anymore because of what he did to me and what he tried to do, I thought you thought less of me" Kim explained
Adam regained his composure and took her face in his hands, "baby, I would never stop loving you, you are my world, my everything. Without you I'm nothing" he kneeled in front of her kissing her with all he had. They stood up, separating briefly, his hands entangled in her hair as he kissed her, moving from her lips, to her neck
"I've missed this Adam, I've missed you" she said to him " I need you" she told him breathlessly.
"Are you sure? I don't want to rush you" he said, needing her just as bad but not wanting to rush her.
"What's that you like to say, oh yea, I know..." She paused briefly "yes, hell yes!"