Forever (Chicago PD:Burzek)

Chapter 40

Kim woke up around two am, finding Adam no longer in bed, she listened for a minute or two to the baby monitor, but only the soft snores of their son sleeping could be heard.
She pulled her robe on and went looking for him, she found him sitting at the kitchen table in complete darkness, she turned the light on.

"Hey, are you alright?" she asked sitting in the chair across from him, his eyes cast downward "babe" she said again this time his eyes meeting hers.

"Couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake you, I watched little man sleep for a bit" Adam told her, his thumb tracing circles on the her arm "I remembered something, I think I was about 5 years old, and my parents took me to my first hockey game" he smiled at the memory. "My mother, she was happy, she was loving" his voice trailing off, "what the hell went wrong"

"Keep that memory Adam, try to remember that" she told him hoping it would help him find some peace "have you ever asked your dad, maybe he can help you"

"What could I have done, I was just a little boy" Adam whispered "what could I have done that made her hate me?"

"Stop! Adam, stop it!" Hearing him ask that question upset her "you did nothing, you were just a little boy, it wasn't your fault" she told him "your mother had issues, they had nothing to do with you"

"In my head" Adam started "I know you are right, but here in my heart" he said pointing to his heart "I just don't know, it doesn't make sense I know" Adam finished.

"Think about it babe, think of that baby sleeping down the hall, you love him, right? Kim questioned.

Adam wasn't sure where she was headed with her line of questioning "of course I do, I would do anything for him, anything at all" he said.

"He couldn't do anything to change that, right?" Kim asked hoping Adam was getting it.

"Nothing, no matter what, he's my son, he's the best of me" Adam said, the words sinking in as he said "nicely done, Mrs.Ruzek, point taken" a small smile forming.

"Adam, your mother obviously had a lot of problems, you didn't cause any of them, the way she treated you was horrible but that's on her, not you." She said now standing behind the chair he sat in, putting her arms around his neck "please tell me you understand" kissing him on the cheek.

"Yea, I think I get it, it's just been a confusing day. I feel like I should be sad, but I'm not, not really" he placed his hands on her arms, "I guess I'm a little sad she was never able to get her act together"

"I don't know what to say, Adam, but I do know one thing, your mother didn't get much right at all, but if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be here." She kissed him "and for that I'm thankful"