One Cup of Sugar || Sasha x Niccolo

7 - Foolproof

Sashas POV:

Blondie:
I know we mutually agreed to this, but I must ask.
Are you sure you're okay with coming over?
I was half joking.
Not really, I do want to see you but...you know. 

I shift my attention from my phone and the red stop light ahead of me, biting my bottom lip anxiously. 

If I was going to be completely honest with him at that moment, I would've said something like:

"Not sure but I already said yes before I had the chance to go against it."

Or anything else along those lines, but I'm not the bravest soldier so I sent him an overly enthusiastic "Yep! All good!" before the stoplight turned green. 

I'm not exactly sure which stars had to align for this to happen, and I'm not sure how I even convinced myself, no...my anxiety, that this would be a good idea. Every cell in my body cried out to me, telling me to turn around and go home.

It's too early. 

Go home.

Listen to me.

Go home. 

Now.

But fast forward about thirty minutes later and here I am, sitting in my car in front of Blondie's house. 

I was anxious, more anxious than any time I had met him. Anxious chills went down my spine as I tried to gather the strength to move my paralyzed body. 

It's not too late to turn back. 

I shook away any negative thoughts as I sat there, allowing my anxiety to become the front seat driver as I zoned out. I worried about every little detail as I sat there, from the way I looked to how desperate I might've looked to agree to his invitation. 

Do I look okay? Does it look like I'm trying too hard? Did I smell good? Was I overdressed?

I probably looked a mess from the downpour of rain that occurred a while ago. 

Questions spiraled around in my head like a category five hurricane that was about to destroy any kind of confidence I had. Every good thought I had was run over and destroyed, replaced by a negative rebuttal that ultimately left my true self defenseless against my anxiety. 

I pulled down the window shield in my car, observing my features carefully, using my finger to smudge away any messed-up makeup from the rain. The blush on my cheeks was now a little too noticeable from how pale my face had gotten out of fear. I fidgeted with the collar of my green sweatshirt the anxiety making me feel unbearably warm even though my car AC was maxed out. 

If I hadn't needed to rush here right from work, I would've gone home and changed into something more casual, but I had a very limited time window to visit this stranger. 

Speaking of, I needed to tell Connie or Jean where I was. They would worry and freak out otherwise. 

No, I thought. I don't haven't to tell them anything.

They're not my parents. I am a grown adult. I shouldn't feel like I have to keep them, especially Connie, updated all the time. I didn't even know where he was most of the time. It wasn't like I was keeping this from them for malicious reasons. 

What they don't know won't hurt them. And I'm keeping that philosophy. 

What all of us don't know can't hurt us, ever. We could all be happy that way. 

It's foolproof. 

I take a deep breath, realizing that I had now sat in this stranger's driveway for about ten minutes. If he had already seen me pull in, this might be one awkward encounter.