One Cup of Sugar || Sasha x Niccolo

46 - Jumpscare

Sashas POV:

"Sasha, I'm so sorry," Nic was running his hand through my hair as I lay on him, wrapping my arms around his torso tightly. 

We had been laying in our spot for about an hour now, and I finally got to explain everything that had happened between me and my roommates while he was gone. He listened carefully, and I listened to the softness of his breathing as I explained the story all the way through.

"Don't apologize," I mumble, "it's not your fault and I haven't even told you the worst part."

"What could be worse than tension in your household?" He pauses, his voice suddenly smoothing out to a more serious tone.

He didn't know about my mom yet, or that I have been living with my parents for over a month. This was the part that made my stomach churn, knowing that my life had turned in a completely opposite direction from where it was supposed to go. I never had expected to end up in my childhood home again for any reason. 

"My mom showed up and-"

"Your mom showed up?!" Nic sits up front his position on the ground, forcing me to move with him.

"It gets even worse," I sigh, laying my cheek on his chest. "Not only was she there but she was being awful the entire time and my roommates did nothing about it. They just watched and even defended her at one point as she ripped me to shreds and insulted me nonstop. They just stood there and even told me I should forgive them for everything."

"For everything?"

Oh, right. 

"That's right, I never got to tell you the full extent of that shit show," I say. Nerves anxiously spun around in my body, feeling like every part of me was being rearranged in an uncomfortable fashion. It made me feel sick as my stomach flipped over and over.

"I mean-" He relaxes back down into his original position, "I'm not going to tell you to give me your entire life story if you don't want to of course, but curiosity is killing the cat in this scenario." 

"I'm not against telling you," I raise my eyebrows momentarily, "it's just a lot and takes a while to explain."

"We have nothing but time right now," His grip on my waist gets tighter, his hand resting on my hip, "I mean, I have nothing but time right now. If you have somewhere to be, I get it."

I didn't have anywhere to be either, and quite frankly the only place I wanted to be was here.

"Time is something I have too much of lately." 

In the end, it took over an hour to explain everything from my childhood. I explained whatever detail I could unearth from the depths of my inner child's brain. Every detail that emotionally threatened the fragility of younger me finally saw the light of day, oxidizing to dust as they met the sun for the first time in years. Each thought that was left to rot and ferment was finally spoken aloud, validating what younger me trudged through for years. 

I couldn't cry, but instead, I felt some kind of relief. My inner child had cried enough tears for a lifetime before I was old enough to comprehend the twisted dollhouse I lived through. However, my inner child was finally out of the dollhouse, escaping the plastic walls and their picture-perfect façade. She understood the truth, and she was finally free. 

Knowing that Nic could potentially understand me a little better made my heart warm. These details are a crucial part of my identity and are the puzzle pieces that make me up. As much as I want to get rid of these parts of myself, I can't forget my inner child. I can't abandon her as my own blood did.