One Cup of Sugar || Sasha x Niccolo

37 - Fix The Mess She Made

AN: "Future me??" comments are expected here too. This is an emotional rollercoaster.

Also, we are so close to 4k reads!!! You guys are AMAZING I love you all so so so much :) <3

- J <3
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Sashas POV:

Two more days.

He was supposed to be coming home in two days.

I hadn't spoken to him in what seemed like forever.

I don't know what's going on, I don't know if he's okay, and I don't know what we are.

I had been in his house for thirty-three days now.

I eventually went back home at a time where Connie and Jean weren't there, gathering the stuff I'd need until I was lost again in the world. I would probably end up homeless by the time Nic got back, so I know I need to start packing my stuff again.

I made a mental note to start packing my stuff tonight. I'll probably end up in my car or some hotel for a bit.

But, I'm also supposed to pick Nic up from the airport when he gets back, so I'm not sure how this is going to work. Did he still even need me? Did he find someone else to get him?

He's gone days, weeks at this point, without talking to me. Not a single word. I couldn't rationalize the situation at all. It was so unlike him to be so quiet. Not to mention, all my texts fail when I try to send them, and I can't call him. I was blocked, that part was obvious, but why? What did I do?

I no longer know what we are, and that's something I came to terms with the night that I broke down in tears at his place. I never knew what we were to begin with. There was something there, no doubt about it, but I couldn't wrap my head around what we were.

That's the only thing about labels that sucks. I don't know what to call us before he left. We were together. Together as in two people seeing one another to make the world suck a little less. We were together as in we shared different parts of ourselves with one another and understood each other. We were together as in the other filled a void no one else could by their care and action.

We were like the sun and the moon, oddly enough. There are only a few moments each day where the sun and the moon are in the sky simultaneously until one goes away. It was perhaps the most beautiful moment of the day. That was us.

What do you even call that?

But now I'm alone again. I'm the moon in the dark night sky by myself, surrounded by nothing but the sky around me. I've barely been talking to friends; I still go to classes with Hange but I'm not inspired anymore. Every colorful part of my life has filtered through to grey skies and an overall lack of color again. Blacks, greys, and whites were the only things I saw now.

It was like the sun had abandoned me completely, refusing to come out to shine its light on the world. My world.

Thoughts spiraled through my head as I put books on the shelves, my fingers slowly lingering over each one.

"Sash, you've been weird lately, what's up?"

Mikasa was now behind me, pushing me to the side so she could help me. I put my lips into a line, silently thanking the universe that I decided to wear my hair down today so she couldn't see my face. I felt all my facial muscles sink as she worked next to me, glancing at me to try to read me.

I couldn't bear to look at her, or I might start crying much like my last breakdown a while ago. I cried for hours that day, crying late into the afternoon and some into the night until I couldn't cry anymore. The explosion of emotions was enough to drain everything out of me for days and days on end. I barely did anything. I barely ate, I barely slept, I barely talked to anyone because they weren't him. I didn't want to believe anything was different. A part of me was still clinging to some miraculous hope we'd be okay once he got back.