One Cup of Sugar || Sasha x Niccolo

43 - Paper Doll

AN: I'm so sorry this chapter took so long to write. I was trying so hard to make this chapter something I was proud of and I ended up deleting so much of it because I couldn't read it without cringing. However, here's a slightly longer chapter. Hope you guys enjoy <3

Anyways....I'm going into hiding now.....

- J <3

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Sashas POV:

Running away from your problems doesn't solve them, but the thrill of not knowing when they'd catch up to you would always be the fun part. 

Fun? Not really. 

I've been in a hotel for three days now. I guess I could say it was home right now. I know the idea of home was whatever felt like home, but what even IS home? Someone or somewhere you felt safe with? Someone or somewhere you go when all things in the world got bad and confusing? I don't have that right now. 

The closest thing was Nic. Arguably, he is my home. However, I can't bother him with all the shit going on in my life. It wouldn't be right to put all of that onto him especially since he's going through his own stuff. He just got back to Marley after being gone for nearly two months. He's trying to readjust and heal. 

I can't interfere with that. 

I do miss him terribly though. 

In any perfect story, he'd show up and force it out of me and I'd submit to it because I love him, and bam, happily ever after. However, this wasn't the case. Behind the scenes, there are unresolved conflicts and tension everywhere. 

My mother had texted a few days ago to talk me into going home once again. Somehow, she knew about me moving out and invited me back again. I ignored her, of course. I'd rather live in some sketchy hotel on the far end of Paradise than in my childhood home. 

That place was as good as haunted. The ghost of my childhood me resided there, unable to escape from the years and years of emotional neglect. She resided in the walls, watching me as I grew up and couldn't protect her, and then myself, from the stuff they would say to me. I couldn't face that place. It felt like walking into a haunted house. Turning each corner would make every hair on the back of my neck stand up, anticipating a demonic creature ready to criticize every action. However, a demonic creature was an innocent puppy compared to how my parents made me feel as a kid. I walked on eggshells around them, hid in my room to avoid their words that wounded me every time they spoke, and held my breath every time I passed them as if breathing would be the reason they got set off. That place scares me more than anything.

"Your page is still blank," Amin nudges my arm from beside me, causing me to nearly fall from my seated position on the concrete.

I decided to join Armin and Annie at the skatepark today. A small breeze brushed past me, sending a cooling feeling through my body as I sat next to Armin. The sky was overcast with dark clouds concealing every inch of the sky as we sat there. The idea of rain loomed around in my head, ultimately keeping me on my toes. The last thing I wanted was to be poured on when it was chilly outside. The screaming sound of the wind filled my ears along with Annie skating. Her board hit the ground with small crashes after she soared through the air.

Mikasa and Eren are on some kind of anniversary date, so they couldn't make it.

Guess I was third wheeling.

"Yeah," I sigh, looking down at the empty sheet of paper in front of me. A few dots from my pencil scattered across the page, looking like the chaotic stars that dotted the sky at night.

"Something troubling you?" Armin flashes me a small, apologetic smile. His ocean-blue eyes darted into mine.

I nod hesitantly. Armin is trustworthy, no doubt, but I know I need an outside opinion from some male.