Missing and extended scenes of Wheel of Time - TV series

1x08 (Story A) - Longing

"Was it hard?"

"What?"

"To leave him behind."

Moiraine shifted uncomfortably then she gave Rand something to eat. "Here. Have some of that. You need to keep up your strength."

The boy looked as if he wanted to say something, but then he nodded and turned his head away. Moiraine stared at one of the trees in front of her, but she didn't see them. She was feeling for her bond with Lan, which was quiet for hours now. The wall, which she had pulled up to shut her Warder out, was strong. No emotion, no feeling was coming through. She didn't know if Lan was happy or sad. He definitely would be disappointed in her for not talking to him. For not including him. For leaving him behind.

The woman of the Blue Ajah pressed with her mind against this inner wall. It was so easy. All she had to do was to press a little further to unmask the bond. Just a little push and the wall would be gone. Instead, she would feel Lan again. The presence of her loyal Warder would return to her mind, where he belonged. His feelings – especially his trust and love for her – would be a part of her again, and she was longing for it. She was even longing for his anger. Every emotion was better than being alone with her thoughts and her own feelings.

But she couldn't do it. Slowly, she pulled herself away from the inner wall, though it was as if she was stabbing herself in the heart. She couldn't let Lan back in. If she would do that then he would be coming for her immediately. He wouldn't stop and would even fight against the Dark One to protect her.

'This is not what he deserves. For twenty years, he has done everything in his power to keep me alive. I would never have made it that far without him. But now, he finally has found a woman he loves, and she loves him just as much. After everything he's been through, he deserves happiness. He deserves a loving wife, beautiful children, and a life without death lurking around every corner.'

Moiraine smiled when she thought about how often they had faced the Shadowspawn and had barely survived. How many times had she healed his wounds because he had thrown himself in front of her? How many times had she received wounds that only an Aes Sedai could've healed, so Lan had rushed her to one of her sisters? Over the years, they had perfected their fighting styles. Now, it was a perfect balance like a dance. She knew exactly how to move when he moved and vice versa. Would it be the same with Nynaeve when he would become her Warder? Would they be able to create the same harmony as they had established? Well, she definitely hoped they would. Maybe not at the beginning, but after a while, they would move as one.

The woman of the Blue Ajah took deep breaths. She had to stop doing this to herself if she didn't want Rand to notice how much she missed Lan. It was her mission to get him to the Eye of the World, so she had to be the strong one. She had to be the calm and cold Aes Sedai, who would lead this boy to his destiny, which could very easily turn into his death.

But it was hard. For twenty years, she had Lan, who had always been by her side. Always present even when he was out of sight. Protecting her, accompanying her, loving her. When she had first met him, he had hated Aes Sedai like everyone else, who had heard the stories of those terrifying women. Over time, he had changed his mind. Moiraine didn't believe he fully trusted the White Tower or her sisters. No one really did. But she hoped that she had changed his opinion a little bit by being bonded to him. 'Although it is possible that I pushed him in the wrong direction with my decision to leave him behind. I hope he'll understand why I did it, and that he will accept to become Nynaeve's Warder in the future.'

"Do you think it is safe to take a short nap?"

Rand's voice pulled Moiraine out of her thoughts. She blinked rapidly before she turned to the redhead. He looked tired. Had he slept at all last night?