Missing and extended scenes of Wheel of Time - TV series

2x04 (Story B) - What if...?

Quote: "No. I know what you really want. What all those cut off from the One Power desire most of all." (Moiraine)

This story is about the sanitarium and mental illness. Please be careful while you read it. I have no experience with mental illness or know anyone who has it, so I hope I don't insult anyone with my story.

Moiraine does her best not to run from the False Dragon. She didn't want him to think that she was afraid of him. But being close to him... he reminded her of her own situation. A former channeler who was cut off from the One Power.

She had seen him suffering after they gentled him. She had seen his countless, desperate attempts to end his life. It was a terrible feeling to lose the connection to the One Power – for men and women. Never had Moiraine imagined she would be one of those people. She would have laughed at everyone who suggested such a ridiculous thought. And now...

The door to the garden closed behind the Aes Sedai, and she had to lean against the wall. Her heart was running, though she hadn't done much. And her throat felt tight - like someone was choking her. Why was it so hard to breathe?

Carefully, she leaned her head against the cold stone wall and closed her eyes. Deep breaths. In and out. Then repeating it.

Seeing Logain again had been hard. She barely had been able to keep her calm Aes Sedai mask in place. Light, she wished Lan was there! She missed his presence, always waiting a step behind her.

A bitter smile appeared on her lips. He wouldn't have approved of her plan to see Logain. The uncrowned king of Malkier would have tried to convince her not to visit the man who had been cut off from the One Power just like her. He would have suggested going himself and getting her the answers she needed without her getting in contact with Logain.

The Cairhien woman's fingers reached for the hidden dagger. She had promised the False Dragon that she would give him the weapon if he trained Rand.

Rand. The redhead from the Two Rivers had found Logain but, apparently, was too afraid to let the man teach him about the use of Saidin. Blood and ashes! Lanfear was out there, looking for him! And he couldn't use the One Power properly to defend himself!

Moiraine had given him months to himself. Months in which she had hoped he would learn. Months to find himself and accept who he was – and what he could do. But he had learned nothing. He was as stubborn as always.

Unconsciously, the woman of the Blue Ajah had gripped her dagger tighter. Quickly, she pulled her fingers away from the hilt. She shouldn't hold it too often.

Back in the garden with Logain, the blade had started whispering to her, promising her the sweetest things if she gave up the fight. No more pain, aching, and longing. Her heart wouldn't hurt any longer. Her body wouldn't feel unfamiliar anymore. Lan would be free.

We've never been equals.

The pained look on his face still haunted Moiraine whenever she closed her eyes. At that moment, her wonderful Warder had truly believed she thought of herself as being better than him. She had bit her tongue so she wouldn't explain her words to him in the following silence.

Over and over again, she had hurt him with her cruel behavior, but that stubborn man had refused to leave her. No matter what she threw at him had worked. Not even after she had told him about Rand's survival had he wanted to let her go.

Moiraine was glad, she had written to Alanna to bring Lan to the White Tower. Hopefully, it had helped the Malkieri to be surrounded by friends.

Are you happy now, Lan? Are you able to spend your time with Nynaeve? Have you already forgotten me?