Missing and extended scenes of Wheel of Time - TV series

2x04 (Story C) - What the heart wants

Quote: "I know the others will tell you you can't go back to Moiraine. But I'm proof that you can. If you want to." (Maksim)

After his conversation with Maksim, Lan thinks about what he wants. Does he want to be reunited with Moiraine, or does he want to find his own path?

Lan stared at the buckets full of water without actually seeing them. He didn't know for how long he sat on the edge of the well since Maksim had left him.

I know the others will tell you you can't go back to Moiraine. But I'm proof that you can. If you want to.

His friend's words echoed in Lan's ears, and he couldn't stop wondering what he wanted. Did he want to return to Moiraine? Their bond was broken. He could no longer feel her. Her thoughts were a mystery to him, and she didn't include him in her plans any longer.

I'm still your Warder.

No, you failed me.

Moiraine knew that he had failed her. If Verin, Adeleas, and Tomas hadn't followed him, the Myrddraal would have killed Lan's Aes Sedai. She had already been injured, and Lan had been too weak to kill his two opponents. He could still see the Myrddraal approaching Moiraine after Lan was out of the way.

Fear grabbed the Malkieri's heart when he thought back to that moment, and he closed his eyes. Helplessly, he had watched how the creature turned away from him. The poisonous blade had glistened deadly in the moonlight. Moiraine had been bleeding, not able to move. She had trusted her Warder to save her, and Lan had failed her.

Angrily, the uncrowned king of Malkier cracked his knuckles. Why should Moiraine want him back? She needed a Warder who could protect her – a Warder she could rely on.

Alanna will see you to the Tower. I'll have her take your bond by force if I must.

Apparently, the Cairhien woman had given up on him. She was willing to give her useless Warder to her Green Sister just to be rid of him. Lan's eyes burned, but he refused to let the tears fall.

Had there ever been an Aes Sedai who had given her bond to another sister? They must have, or the Aes Sedai wouldn't know how to transfer a bond from one sister to the next. But Lan hadn't heard about such a thing ever before, so it had to be rare. Light, he knew no sister who would treat her Warder like that! If an Aes Sedai wanted to get rid of her Warder, she could release him from his bond – which hadn't happened very often in the past.

Why didn't I realize Moiraine wasn't happy with me anymore? And when has it started? Everything seemed fine before we reached the Two Rivers.

With a sad smile on his lips, Lan remembered their last bath together. Egwene's mother had poured them a bath to warm up after riding through the rain. Moiraine hadn't hesitated to heat the water when he claimed it could be warmer. Although she rarely used the One Power for simple things, she had never bothered to use it to make Lan feel better. Light, he wished they could return to that bath in the Two Rivers! He wanted to hug his Aes Sedai – wanted to feel her warmth and inhale her scent.

We've never been equals.

Lan swallowed hard. Her last words had hurt him the most. How should he return to the Cairhien woman – even work with her! – when she didn't consider him an equal? What was he to her? A lapdog she could send wherever she needed him, and who did whatever she told him?

I never saw her as my leash holder. She never used the bond to force me to do anything. I willingly did everything she asked of me because she wasn't like the other Aes Sedai. She was Moiraine – MY Moiraine.