Pieces Of Me

Chapter 32 Eve

Dumping my bag and sitting on the end of my claimed bed, I throw myself backward and stare at the ceiling.

What the fuck was that!

I honestly was worried it was taking three of them to do a one-man job in the laundry. Then I was worried they were talking about me again. Having one of their hurried whispered meetings about my mental state. But then it turned out they were... well...and I was ok with it. So ok - I couldn't look away. In fact, I even took up a front-row sea., I was just missing the popcorn.

The sounds they made, the looks on their faces, the way they handled each other...

I rub my thighs together, as a tightness coils in my lower abdomen. I was turned on then and apparently, I still was now. The mate bond playing me like a violin.

The old me would have done something about it. Either went and jumped on Reece or reached down and given myself a little bit of self-love.

I sigh. This me has to force myself to not jump a mile at the slightest touch and I have to force myself to give cheek pecks, just so my mates have the slightest sense of normalcy. I could try some self-love and hopefully be ok with it if it became a gentle repetitive motion.

I really need to distract myself so I don't act on my current sensations. Or risk being a grumpy, frustrated bitch.

I walk over to the wardrobe door with its full-length mirror and strip. I look myself over with a critical eye. The bruises are fading, more so, now that I have shifted. The wounds have closed and for the most part, healed. Where the silver manacles had held my wrists there are obvious scarred bands. Same with my ankles from when they had attached the weights each day. There are scars at random all over my body, from when they had a play session with a silver blade.

I turn and look over my shoulder at my back. My breath hitches. This is the first time I have seen it. They had used a silvered whip. The scars are loud and proud all over my whole back. No inch is spared.

Turning back to face the mirror, I see how thin I am. My lack of muscle. I am disgusting. How could any of them want me? I am used up and revolting. This was the work of the mate bond only. There was no way they would want me if the mate bond wasn't in play.

Reece, maybe. We had history and he wasn't a shallow guy. He loved me for me. Warts and all. Of the three, he was the one that I held the most hope in. If I could just get my head to separate the real Reece from the Reece that I had hallucinated about in the cells, I might be able to make some progress

Hulk, I was pretty sure was the mate bond. Also, my reputation will have had him looking at me as a powerful strong Luna for his pack. That is until he finds out how broken and scarred I am, looking like a freak.

Having found out I am an Alpha in my own right... now he doesn't seem so sure. He seems wary. Still, he did mark me to try and follow me to the afterlife when he thought it was game over.

And Garret, sweet Garret, who keeps his promises. Who kept me alive, rescued me, and stayed by my side. Protected and soothed me. The reality is I am the key to him keeping his humanity. Of course, he will be nice to me. I don't think however, he would have given me the time of day without the bond. Shame really. Of the three, I feel the safest with him. I have never hallucinated him attacking me. Only saw him begging me to hold on in our dream states and then be kind in real life. I don't feel he would ever willingly hurt me.

The mate bond has a lot to answer for, drawing these three strong men to be saddled with the likes of me.

I was right. Looking at my broken self has killed any thoughts I had of wanting any form of sexual relief. I need my health back, my physical strength. Maybe then I can learn to look in the mirror and be ok with being me. Maybe then I will feel that they might also be ok with being with me.

For now, I force myself to shift. I look in the mirror. My wolf's fur looks rough and unhealthy, my rib bones showing, stomach caved in. I bare my teeth at my reflection. I force myself back to human form, before immediately going to wolf, then back to human.

I continue, stopping only every now and again to check my progress. The bruises are fading and more wound scabs are coming off, so I continue. I keep going until I can't stand anymore. Breathing heavily with the exertion of changing so quickly and so often.

I lie on my side, continuing to change back and forth until my breath comes in harsh wheezes and my body is too exhausted to change anymore. I can't even drag myself to the bed.

I fall into a deep sleep for maybe an hour or so, before I bolt upright, smothering my mouth to hold in the screams so the enemy isn't aware I am awake and they return to start on me again. Slowly regulating my breathing, I get my bearings. I'm not in enemy territory. I am in Garret's guest room.

I also realize I am very much alone.

Every night since they found me, my mates have been with me in the room while I slept. There was always the sound of their breathing, the sound of movement as they repositioned themselves on chairs or the floor. Occasional murmurs of quiet conversations and the odd quiet snore as one of them succumbed to deep sleep.

But now there is no one with me to soothe my fears and chase away my nightmares, to tell me it will be alright. It is quiet. I don't like it.

Shivering from the cold, in my still naked form, I weigh up how to make myself feel safe and secure. It is a good thing they aren't here, as I need to re-find my independence instead of relying on my mates to pave the way for me.

I eye up the wardrobe and tug the door open. Nodding happily, I drag the blankets off the bed and make myself up a nest on the wardrobe floor. Tugging on fresh underwear and a t-shirt, I pull the wardrobe door closed behind me and burrow into the mountain of blankets.

This is what my seven-year-old self would have done after one of dad's ghost stories scared me and not being able to crawl into the safety of my parent's bed because I was a 'big girl' now.

I also reason with myself, that I will hear any intruders in advance as there is only one way in to get me, whereas there were windows and a door in the actual bedroom. I am warm. I feel safe. I am successfully problem-solving.

I am a mighty head warrior.... who is hiding in the wardrobe because I am too chicken shit to go to my mates and admit I need them. Mental facepalm. I exhaustedly close my eyes, intent on getting much-needed rest and hoping for no more nightmares.

Stubborn as always.
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