Robin And The Girl With The Crimson Hair

chapter 27

As I sat in the tree, i watched as the sun began to set and the moon begin to rise. The towns people began to come out and make there way to the taverns.

"How n-nice it m-must be t-to be normal?" I said to myself. I know the common folk had it bad but there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wish I was one of them. To be able to walk the streets without being gawked at. To be near a man with out fear of him hurting you. Normal friends. Normal life. To be able to love and be loved.

"How n-nice that would be?" I said to myself.

To not have to get the only bit of affection from pity. Though this is my fault. I shouldn't rely on him and the boys so much. I've been doing it for too long. Hell even the way I get over my trauma is a mantra that mentions how they can protect me. I run my mouth about how I want to fight my own battle and I want to be strong......and I'm loosing my internal battle. I have other people fighting that war for me.

I can't keep doing this....

I can't keep relying on them physically or emotionally anymore. After today, I want be able to do that on my own. Robin doesn't love me......or at least in the way I love him. It's clear he gives me special treatment because he feels obligated to do so. I don't want that.......

No more mantra......they can't be my center......I have to be my center......i can't have other people fight my battles..........

But it's easier said than done.

I could feel myself calming down, I was still sad but my stuttering was lessening. I began to climb down and made my way to the tavern that me and the boys regulated. Once I was in all eyes were on me for a few seconds and then cheers erupted.

"M! It's great to see you!" Some drunk man yelled. I began to push my way to the bar as politely smiled and shook hands with people in passing.

"You rarely ever seen with out one of your boys with ya! Tryna hang tonight!" Yelled some lady.

"J-just here for a drink." Was all I said. The answer seemed to satisfy her and she went back to flirting with some old guy, who looked oddly familiar. Probably one of the residents, I mean I am in the town tavern.

I finally made it to the bar and saw the owner Jamie. He was a older fella, but not too much older than John. He was always sweet and funny, and always let me and the boys drink for free. However, I never partook in drinking in public because there were too many risks at once, so I only drank at home, but tonight was an exception.

"Hey, M. Whatcha doing here alone?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. He knew it was stupid for an outlaw such as myself to be in such a public place by myself. Fortunately, he didn't know I was a girl, which made this decision all the more dumb.

"I needed to g-getaway for a bit. I know it's risky, but I really n-needed a drink." I said. He just looked at me knowingly and nodded. He seemed to ignore remaining stutter which I was greatful for.

He turned and got something from the bottom shelf behind him. When he turned back he had a large green glass in his hands. "This here is Wills favorite, and my own recipe. It's called Forget for a Moment. It'll wash all the frustrations away for awhile....." be pulled out a mug and began to pour, "......but only awhile." He said and he began to slide the mug over to me.

I gladly took and downed it in one go. The taste was sweet, yet sour and my throat burned like a mother. It was the perfect drink. I looked up and saw Jamie staring at me with concern in his eyes. "You alright, lad? You wanna talk about it?"

I pushed the cup toward him and shook my head no. "Even if I were to t-talk about it, it's not n-necessarily something you or me c-can fix." I said. He began to pour up my drink.

"You can l-leave the bottle." I said, and he just nodded.

"Don't drink too much. You still need to make your way home." He said. He was right, but I didn't want to go back tonight. I'd rather stay in the inn he had upstairs and risk someone killing me and my sleep, rather than going back home to the guy that just rejected me.

And hour went by and the bottle was almost empty. I could feel my consciousness slipping and my head was spinning.

"Christ! How much did you drink?" Said someone. I looked up too quickly and nearly fell of the chair. I squinted to make my eyes focus a little more.

"Jamie! I drank it. Most of it. Sorry." I said, hoping it didn't come out as a drunken slur. I tried my best to keep my eyes focused on him, but as time went on he just seemed to get more blurry.

"Maybe you should stay here tonight, yeah? Don't want you walking back in the dark." He said. I shook my head no and regretted it instantly. I could feel my head pounding but ignored it. Well at least the stuttering is gone.

"I'll be fine. I can find my way home blindfolded." I said.

"Yeah, but what if someone hurts you on your way there? Will you be able to defend yourself?" He asked.

Good point. But besides me and the boys who else would be going through the woods at night without a lantern?

"I'll be fine. If I can beat Little John and Will in a fight, then even while I'm drunk, no one is a match for me." I said. Okay, I've never beaten either of them in a fight, but it should ease Jamie's nervousness a bit.

"Still-" I cut him off before he finished and began to get up. My footing was wobbly and unstable and it felt like the world was trying to weigh me down, but I grabbed onto the back of the chair and quickly found my footing.

"I got this, see? No need to worry. When I sober up, I'll come by tomorrow so you can check on me, deal?" I said.

He hesitantly nodded.

"Good. See morrow." I said. I probably look and sound like a drunken fool.

I drunkenly began to make my way out of the tavern and the more I walked the more my head spun. It was like I was spinning in one direction and the world was spinning in another. Though it was uncomfortable, I kept pushing on. I at least wanted to make it to the secret little path I made for when the boys got too drunken and we hand to make our way home.

I walked behind the bakery and realized I was almost there.

"Oh god. I'm never doing this again." I said to myself. This was a terrible idea. I could feel the urge to vomit slowly taking over me, I immediately stopped and leaned against the building.

"Don't you dare throw up, M." I said to myself. I shut myself eyes and began to concentrate on my breathing. I sat down and breathed in the night air.

"I just need a moment." I shout my eyes and relaxed a bit.

And before I knew I could hear footsteps surrounding me. My eyes shot open as I saw lights around me.

Shit.

I turned slowly and tried my best to focus my eyes on who was in front of me. Don't panic. They could be friendly.

"Hello, you remember me love?" Asked the guy directly in front of me. I couldn't see much due to the fact the the light was blinding my view of him.

"No, I don't. And who the hell are you to call a man love?" I said irritatedly.

The guy began to bend down and and he moved his lateen out of my face enough that I could still see his face without being blinded. Though my vision was still a bit blurry. I squinted my eyes again. He was the guy that lady was flirting with at the bar earlier.

"One of the villagers? Did I do something to piss you lot off?" I said.

The men began to laugh. The man in front of me suddenly grabbed my cloak and slammed me on the ground. Before I could react, he set the lantern down and grabbed my hands and lifted them above my head. I instantly sobered.

"W-what the h-hell are you d-doing? Get off m-me you b-bloody bastard!" I yelled.

The man grabbed my wrist in one hand and struck me with the other. I could feel my lip swelling immediately.

"Such a fowl mouth for a women." He said. My heart instantly sank. He knew. My head snapped toward him, and instantly knew who he was. The coachman that attacked me a few days ago while we were robbing his mistresses carriage. Shit I thought I hit him hard enough for him not to remember. Oh I'm so stupid.