Dad's Bestfriend

Please Wake Up

I have been sitting facing the tv and acting like I am actually watching the tv and chiming into the conversations a little bit at a time just so Macie and my dad have been having so they would stop asking if I am okay but really, I am not. It has been two weeks and Travis has yet to wake up from his state of sleeping so he could recover, and I am beyond scared and mentally I am still not better, but to Macie and my dad I have to be strong. 

I am not better at all my mental state is not doing the best right now, I was almost raped in my own home by a man that did the same thing to my mom, but the only difference is he succeeded in doing so, he kidnapped her and me, but the thing is he wanted me back. Killing him didn't help the nightmares go away I am still haunted by them every time I close my eyes. My body has recovered a lot, my black eye went away a few days ago, my busted lip almost completely healed, my bruises on my arms are fainted almost completely gone, my twisted ankle is better, but my back is still a little tender and the bruising is still a dark yellow and purple in some spots the doctor said that there wasn't anything to worry about that they should be gone soon it is just taking longer since that is where the most damage was done at. 

Macie and dad left to go somewhere I didn't listen when they told me where they were going, I just sat up and grabbed a hold of his hand once again and kissed the back of it and began talking to him, 

G--"Travis, I want you to wake up for me, okay? No, I need you to wake up for me, I need you so bad it hurts, I can't live like this anymore, you make my nightmares go away when you are near but when I am alone like I am and have been I can't do it anymore, I need you so bad, please wake up" I put my head on his hand before lifting it once again looking at him and I let the tears flow into a sobbing mess on my face 

G--"You shouldn't have jumped in front of the bullet for me, you shouldn't have done that, you should've just let him take me and do whatever the fuck he wanted to me, you would have been still awake and fine, damn it you should have just let him kill me everything would have been better" I got up and slid down the wall pulling my knees into my chest still sobbing but not caring anymore. I was sobbing so hard to where I couldn't breathe and I quickly got up and started taking of my sweatshirt not caring I am in only my bra, 

C--"Honey what is wrong?" I ignored my dad and fell to my knees, and I ran my hands down my face trying to calm down and when I started to, I looked up at my dad and Macie, 

G--"I am so sorry" 

C--"Sorry for what?" 

G--"I am the reason some people are in the hospital or worse dead because of me. I am sorry that he is the one laying on the bed unable to wake up. I am sorry that I am so fucked up that I can't even sleep well enough to try and keep up with you conversation, I am so sorry that I caused all this mess, I wish he wouldn't have jumped in front of the bullet, I wish I would have not mouthed of to him and then he wouldn't even had fired his weapon... I screwed everything up" 

C--"Now you listen to me, and you listen to me very carefully, no matter how is happened it was going to happen, he wasn't going to just take you and walk away" interrupted him and said, 

G--"Yes that is exactly how it was supposed to happen you all should have just let him take me and then everything would be fine, nobody would be hurt or dead. Everybody would be safe." 

C--"No not everyone would be safe, you wouldn't have been. You would have been severely hurt, raped, beaten, used as a slave, or worse even dead" I looked at him and said, 

G--"But dad he tried to rape me. He did beat me up. I did feel like a slave when he tossed me on the mat twice for his own, please or when he got me down on the mat and kicked my back so hard that it made me want to throw up. And I couldn't let my stomach handle some of the beating because I think I am pregnant, but I don't know if I am or not because the throwing up when I wake up could be because of the nightmares being so disgusting, so real like they make me sick, they make me feel like I am dead and walking around like a zombie, when I sit here and try to listen to you I can't, I can't answer you or talk to you like a regular human being because I am always spaced out think of how this could have ended up differently, you could have died, Macie could have died, the bullet could have hit me but it didn't it hit the man I love, it could have hit him in the heart causing him to die right in front of me." they were sitting in front of me crying also and I calmed down after a while and said, 

G--"I know that was a lot but bottling it up inside me for the past two weeks have made me feel worse than I already do, and I guess I needed to just let it out to somebody. I just need him to wake up because he is my person, he is my rock, and I know that must sound crazy but in the amount of time we have been together he easily became my best friend and I need him to wake up for me"

T--"And I need you to come here right now and kiss me" I was stunned, and I got up from the floor in shock and just looked at him thinking is this really real? Is the man I love eye's really open?