Chapter 4: Numb to the feeling

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Becky's POV

Standing in front of the emergency room where the doctor has finally laid Orn to rest, I felt like a part of me has lost. My heart is not ready to see her lying on the bed, not responding to everything I do or say. I needed her to see me with my own eyes and greet me with her eye smile.

I want to run away from here and want to change reality because honestly, I am not ready. I am slowly falling...

Spent two hours crying without seeing her since I know that after I visit her for the last time, I will never see her ever again, physically. I couldn't even think properly now especially when I am trying my hardest to hold back these tears.

I messed up so badly and because of me, I lost my person. Why can't just my life be peaceful even for a second?

When I started my career as an actress, my life had never been easier. There are always hitches as if the universe didn't want me to become an actress. And when I thought Orn has come to my life and enlightened my world, she was gone without me saying 'I love you' to her. She deserves everything in this world, including my love for her. But I guess I didn't deserve to love someone cause I am just a burden to someone.

In the end, I tried to gather my courage to face Orn and bid farewell before she left this world. As soon as I saw her in that surgical bed, I could tell that the doctor stitched her with their best care, even though her body didn't look the same as before.

Right then, I could feel my heart beat faster when I saw a lot of injuries on her body and I couldn't help but cry endlessly, knowing that at the time of the incident, Orn would probably be in greater pain. My grief was heightened and I am desperately in need of oxygen because I was literally feeling suffocated.

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Before I realised it, 30 minutes has passed and crowded in front of me were the police officers that were on site by the time the car accident occurred. They were now approaching to explain everything.

One of the officers tried to explain with sympathy, "Ma'am, I am sorry for your loss. We did our best to respond to the emergency call and even tried to catch the culprit. What I could tell you is that it was a hit-and-run case. So far we couldn't identify the criminal. They are very quick and also know their way around here since their car couldn't be seen on the CCTV in the area of the incident. However, we will try our best to update you once we catch the culprit, ma'am. Again, I am sorry for your loss."

Once I heard everything, the first thing I did was to call Saint because I don't know what to do after this. "Saint... I need your help..." I cried helplessly.

"Becky...can you tell me what's going on? Are you alright?" Saint becomes scared of me.

After I explained everything, he said to me to stay there and that he will directly fly to Phuket and accompany me. He also reassured me by telling me that he will update me about Orn's death to her agency and try to control the media so they won't know about my relationship with her. Who knows what kind of rumours they might falsify, knowing that I was here with Orn.

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Not long after, Saint arrived and he immediately gave me a comforting hug. He sorted out everything and update me about Orn's agency, saying they were devastated about the loss of their favourite artist.

On that day, Saint was the one who accompany me to see Orn for the last time before she was sent to the funeral home and had a proper memorial service.

Not long after that, Orn's agency published an official announcement on the passed away of their great actress and the public was very shocked to hear about the unexpected news.

On the other side, Toey, the only one aside from Saint who knew about my trip with Orn called me, saying that she wanted to visit Orn before she got buried.

As soon as she saw me, Toey straight away felt sympathy and pull me into her hug to comfort me. "It's going to be alright, Becky... I know she's in a better place now...Just know that I will be there when you need me, okay?" She patted my back to ensure that everything was going to be alright.

After attending Orn's funeral, I immediately catch my flight back with Saint and Toey to Bangkok as I don't want to be reminded of the painful memories I get in Phuket.

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"This is all my fault... I should've let her rest at the hotel and let myself take care of her instead of asking her to buy her own medicine... If I just...stay by her side, this wouldn't happen...she would still be here with me..." I blamed myself.

Saint and Toey then consoled me by telling me that it was not my fault. They advised me to not guilt-trip myself even though the thing that occurred to Orn was indeed an unfortunate event we didn't want to happen.

I still couldn't fathom how Orn leave me all behind this early when there were so many things I wanted to do with her. I am scared of what my life would be without her. Will I be able to love the same again?

And now that I am back home, rumours were swirling around about the whereabouts of Orn as to why she was in Phuket, especially since it's been years since she visited one.

More speculations were made and they were mostly bad. There was even an accusation where people assumed she committed suicide because she was depressed. At this point, I am no longer sad, but rather angry with the media for manipulating the truth.

Not only they were falsifying my rumours, but they had the nerve to play around with the news about Orn's death and treat it with no respect. They went too far this time and I cannot just stand here and do nothing.

I need to do justice for Orn's death and find the culprit who causes my girlfriend to die unjustified.

Author's note:

Fighting Beck!!

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