Drop Dead | Sam Fender

Chapter Sixty Nine

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS

Aurora

"You're not seriously doing homework, are yer?" Joe snorted, prompting me to snap the journal in front of me shut.

"It's due in an hour," I lied as I forced a smile onto my face.

I had kept a journal since the very first therapy session I had. It was Harriet's suggestion to help keep me grounded and as a way to keep track of my progress and was filled with different entries, some that were more of a diary and others like letters to my younger self. It was actually really helpful, no matter how opposed I was to it at the start.

I never usually brought it out in school but kept it at the bottom of my bag anyway just in case. When I found no one to be in the common room, I pulled it out driven by the urge to write. It felt good to get my feelings onto paper, especially since I hadn't touched the journal since Sam and I had split and although I had spoken about it in my therapy sessions, I hadn't gotten the chance to put it into words. I was so lost in it that I hadn't even heard Joe coming in.

He snorted, "Not like you to leave things last minute." And I wasn't. That was usually Harlow. Never me.

"Uh, I just forgot about it," I murmured with a shrug.

"Listen, I'm sorry about inviting Alex to the pub. I didn't even think about how yer would feel," he sighed as he threw himself down beside me.

"How I would feel?" I frowned. What was he talking about? "Why would inviting Alex upset me?"

"Shit, yer don't know," he blanked.

"Know what?" I asked in confusion.

"It was Alex's friend that... Sam kissed," he told me nervously.

I could feel the frown on my face melting into a look of realisation as a pit formed in my stomach. "Oh," I muttered.

Alex's words began replaying in my head. Ya know, yer look a lot like my best friend, Rosie.

"I'm sorry, I thought ya knew," he sighed. "What with Harlow acting the way she did."

"Harlow knew?" I questioned, my mouth hanging open slightly in disbelief.

"Reckons she figured it oot or sommat," he shrugged. "Don't worry, she won't be a problem. I'm not gan see her again."

"Don't be so daft!" I scolded him lightly, my mind immediately torn away from my intrusive thoughts. "Yer don't have to do that for me. If ya like her, then go for it."

"It's fine, Rora," he laughed lightly. "I doubt it would work oot between us. Besides, we all know Harlow would never accept her into the group."

"I can speak to her if that's the problem," I assured him, my brows knitted together in a frown.

"Don't worry about it," he snorted. "Just... don't be annoyed at Sam. He didn't know until it was too late and I think Harls gave him enough of a telling-off."

"Okay," I replied softly. "Joe?"

"Yeah?" he hummed.

"Was it Rosie... that he kissed?" I asked nervously, unsure of whether I wanted to know the answer.

"Yeah, it was actually," he answered.

"And... did she look like me?" I questioned him. I felt him shift uncomfortably beside me as he trawled over my words. "Yer don't have to lie to make us feel better. She did, didn't she?"

"Aye," he sighed. "A little bit... you're definitely prettier though!"

I let out a snort at his words, "You're an idiot."

"Ya love it, shut up," he chuckled, reaching up to ruffle my hair.

Sam

After a lot of begging, John finally agreed to give me my job back at the Low Lights. It had taken a lot of persuasion and he had warned me that he would be keeping a close eye on me but I was determined not to make the same mistakes as before. It was why I was taking the precaution of ensuring I was at the pub earlier than I needed to be.

My phone buzzed in my pocket just before I was about to enter through the door, stopping me in my tracks. I reached for it, pulling it out as I stepped aside and frowning when I saw Rory's name lit up on the screen.

"Hello?" I greeted her softly.

"Sam," she cried.

My stomach turned with dread as my ears picked up on her muffled sobs. "Rory?" I asked urgently. "What's wrong? Why are yer crying?"

"My journal, I've lost it," she sobbed. "I don't know what to do. It's got all my private stuff in there!"

"Ay, calm down, calm down," I told her gently. "Where did ya have it last?"

"I don't know," she panicked. "Uh, it was in my school bag this morning... fuck!"

"What?" I questioned.

"I had it out in the common room earlier, I must have left it there," she cursed through hiccups.

"It'll be alreet, Scarl," I assured her. "I'm sure it'll still be there tomorrow."

"That's not the point, Sam," she fretted. "What if someone reads it? Everything there is to know about my ED is in there!"

"Rory," I muttered comfortingly. My heart ached to be able to reach through the phone and comfort her but unfortunately, I had to work. "It's nowt to be ashamed of."

"It's embarrassing," she sniffed.

"Oh, darlin'," I crooned.

"It's stupid, I know," she spoke quietly.

"It's not stupid," I told her firmly. "Remember what yer told us? Your feelings are valid."

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"I know," I sighed. "There's nothing yer can do until tomorrow, there's no point worrying yourself over it."

"It's... it's just, I-I haven't even told Harlow yet. Or the others," she mumbled.

"They're won't think any different of yer," I assured her. "They all love ya and yer know it."

"They won't?" she asked meekly.

"Of course they won't," I smiled fondly. I found it incredulous that Rory didn't realise how much our friends adored her. She was the glue that held us all together and without her, I was fearful we would fall apart. I prayed that we never had to find out. "I'm sorry, Rory, but I have to go. I start work in a couple of minutes and I don't want John biting me head off again. I'll phone you later, darlin'."

"Alreet. Bye, Sam," she murmured.

"Bye, I love you," I replied without a second thought.

The realisation hit me when I heard Rory take a sharp breath, followed by silence. Panicked, I hit the end call button immediately, shoving my phone into my back pocket so quickly you would swear it was red-hot against my skin.

Fuck, why had I done that?