ghost bc oneshots <3 [g.b.c]

꒰ ͜͡➸ "always, dove."

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- rain <3

- angst
[vent]

-780 words!

- like i said, this
is a vent. it's not
super intense but
i did add a lot of
what i'm dealing
with right now.

- share my pain. /j

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i laid in my bed, covering my ears tightly to drown out the sound of the party just a hallway away.

new years.

the most awful holiday ever.

how could someone celebrate another year of life flying by? how could someone be so happy that time is constantly weighing down and your end is known? i mean, it's just a second-to-second difference. what's so special?

maybe it was exactly that. it was just a second-to-second difference. nothing had really changed. just simply how you write the date. months pass by and i'm not as majorly effected. so why a year change? why does it hurt me so much?

"3.. 2.. 1... HAPPY NEW YEARS!" the barley muffled voices of all the ghouls yelled.

i let out a sob, quickly covering my mouth as tears streamed down my face.

another year gone. another year behind me. a year of mistakes and some of the best choices i've ever made.

yet here i am, in my room, crying. sobbing. because of a date change.

stupid. pathetic. weak. you're scared of time? time. c'mon, it passes every moment of your life. why are you so nervous?

i began to shake, my body wracking with sobs as i curled into myself, hugging my knees close to my chest.

i'm so scared. why? why am i so scared?! i don't want to make new memories.. i just forget them anyway. satan, why can't i remember? i just want to remember..

a gut wrenching sob ripped from my throat as i completely gave into my anxiety attack. my whole body trembled as i heaved, trying to get a sustainable amount of oxygen in my lungs.

a new day rises and i forget another. nothing stays in my memory. my life is slowly slipping away and i can't do anything about it. what if i want to travel with the band? what if i want to make unforgettable memories? would they really be unforgettable? or would i be deceived just like every time before.

my heart withered from the darkness clouding my mind. i shook, i sobbed, i panicked. it was awful.

but then, a light shined into my darkness as the door to my room opened.

"y/n?" a familiar water ghoul's voice called. i whimpered softly, looking over my shoulder. rain had his helmet in his hands, his slightly confused face becoming extremely worried as he realized the state i was in.

"rain.." i barely managed to get out as rain closed the door and dropped his helmet, rushing over to me.

"satanas, y/n, you said you were okay.." rain whispered, cupping my cheek as he looked around my dampened face in the moonlight. "i-i know. i'm sorry.." i sighed shakily as my lip quivered, more tears welling in my eyes. "shh, shh, it's okay, you've done nothing wrong. can i hold you?" rain asked. tears streamed from my eyes as i nodded immediately, reaching up to hold onto rain as he hugged me tightly.

rain laid down on his side, pulling me close and draping his tail over my waist to ground me.

"i don't know why this is so hard.." i sobbed into rain's chest. "because you've been through shit you don't deserve and you're unfortunate baring the burden from that trauma. it's not your fault, y/n. you're doing so well. it's okay to have moments of vulnerability." rain soothed, rubbing my back, not letting his energy radiate into mine. he knew i had to get all of this out.

"most people say weakness.." i mumbled, trying not to get snot all over rain's shirt. "i'm not. you're not weak, y/n. you getting all of this out proves just how strong you are." rain whispered softly. another sob made my body tremble.

"i love you so much.." i cried. rain set his jaw as tears welled in his eyes, hugging my back tightly. "i love you too, y/n. more than i think i'll ever be able to show." rain sighed, holding me so close it's like he thought i would disappear.

after a few minutes of me calming down and rain gently shushing me whenever i let out a sob, rain spoke again.

"i am always going to be here for you, dove. if you need me you know i'll drop anything to be by your side." rain spoke softly. "even your place in ghost?" i tried to joke. rain laughed softly. "even my place in ghost." rain entertained my humor, rubbing my back.

"thank you.." i mumbled after a moment, still slightly shaking from the after effects of my anxiety attack.

"always, dove."

_