Forth Beam short stories 2

Chasing you (part 12)

Forth's P.O.V.

I wasn't just about to give up on Beam after a week. I still wasn't ready to completely give up. But I did take some distance. I stopped going to meds at lunch. Slowly as the days passed my text messages diminished too. He wasn't responding anyway. I was slowly letting go. It was harder this time since I knew he had feelings. Last time I thought they were one sided. So it was easier to let go. I let my thoughts wonder back to that time.

We weren't really friends at the start. I came to know Phana at the moon competition. We became close there and he introduced me to Beam. I thought he was attractive but nothing else. Then we started hanging out as a group and I was mesmerized by him. It soon turned into a crush and I started trying to get closer to him. I managed to do that but by then my feelings were way too strong. He was giving mixed vibes but I was thinking of making a move. I don't know if he realized it or not. But the day I was going to confess he talked about liking another girl. So I distanced myself to mend my broken heart. I guess he realized I was avoiding him and stopped hanging out with everyone else. That's how the group dispersed back into two gangs. We slowly lost contact. I managed to continue my life but my feelings never left. I just didn't see him or knew anything about him so I thought I was fine. Until Phana told me Beam wasn't and I couldn't help but be worried. I realized the feelings were still there. Then came the hope after he kissed me and now we are back to heart break.

I sighed. Why the hell is he holding back? He knows I have feelings for him. I know he has feelings for me. Why can't we be together? He could at least tell me why he's troubled. Maybe is something we can work on. But chickening out isn't going to help anybody. I don't even know what to do anymore. Park and Lam are tired are concerned I can see it in their eyes. So I'm trying not to show I am hurt. They want me to hang out at the bar with them today. I'm considering going but I'm not sure. I don't want to in case Beam is there.

I looked at the clock. It was five so Beam should be getting out of class about now. Even if I wasn't going over there for lunch I still wanted to see him. So I've been going over there just to see that he is fine and then I leave. Today I didn't go. I guess is another step towards letting go. This is hard I wonder how he is coping. Is his denial preventing him from being sad? Because I am freaking sad. I laid on my bed and send a text to Lam saying I wasn't coming today to the bar. I closed my eyes trying to drift off to sleep and take a nap to resist the urge of driving to meds to see Beam.

I was about to drift off to sleep when I heard a knock on the door. I groaned not moving. I bet is probably Lam and Park. They will try to drag me to the bar. I wasn't in the mood to deal with them. I considered ignoring them. But those two were unhinged. I could picture them breaking the door just to prove a point. So I got up to answer as I was reaching the door another knock was heard but it was soft. Like if the person regretted at the last second. I hurried to open the door and there I found Beam looking down. He looked up at me and seemed really sad.

"Beam." I said surprised. He looked shocked for a second before I could see the tears starting to well up in his eyes. "Beam what's wrong?" I said grabbing his upper arm to bring him inside. He just started crying. I was worried sick. I didn't know what to do except hug him. He gripped my shirt tightly. I had a million questions on my mind but for now my focus was on consoling him. "Hey what's wrong? Calm down please." I said rubbing small circles on his back.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled through his tears. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what he was sorry for. It took a while but he managed to calm down a little.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked when he pulled away. He was wiping his tears and I was just looking at him making sure he wasn't physically hurt. He just looked down. "I'm gonna get you some water. Sit down and gather your thoughts." I said leaving to the kitchen. I needed to clear my head a bit too. A few minutes later I returned with a glass of water for Beam.

"Thanks." He said grabbing the glass and gulping it down.

"Did something happened? Anyone hurt you?" I asked just to be sure. He shook his head and I sighed relieved.

"I just I felt sad today. It's been a bad day. I know I've been acting wrong and ignoring you. But I was looking forward to at least seeing you when I got out of class today. I was planning on heading over to you. Because for some reason you are the only person I wanted to tell about my shitty day. I felt you would make it better just by being there. I know it's selfish of me. But when I didn't see you trying to hide from my view in the parking lot today. I felt even sadder and I just drove here in hopes of seeing you. I was about to chicken out when you opened the door. Then you called me Beam instead of Bee and it just made my day a thousand times worst." He said starting to sniffle again.

"Come here." I said opening my arms again and he instantly joined the hug wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"I've been so stupid but I'm scared Forth. I'm not sure I can give you the relationship you want right now. I know we have feelings but I'm not ready to even talk about it. I'm sorry." He said looking down.

"Hey, it's ok. You just needed to come to me and say that. I would never force you to do anything. But if you want me in your life we need to communicate. I'm willing to be there for you and wait until you are ready. But not if you ignore me and treat me like shit I'm not just going to stand there and take it. Even if it hurts I'll let go. Just set your boundaries and I'll respect them." I said and he nodded.

"I just I'm not even sure of what I want. I enjoy spending time with you, and you calling me Bee. I don't mind being generally close to you. It's just when we kiss that I start to freak out. Because I feel like things will go wrong after that. I'm not really sure. It's just something happens and I feel like running away before getting hurt. Even if that ends up hurting us both on the end." He said and I nodded.

"I can't say I fully get it but I respect it. Let's just keep hanging out as friends. No pressure. If there's a time you think we can move forward to something more than being friends then we will have this conversation again. Let's just not ignore each other again like this ok?" I asked and he nodded.

"Can we spend some time together today though? I been wanting to since the last time we saw each other." He said and I nodded.

"Sure I'll order some dinner and we can watch a movie." I said and he nodded quickly.

We picked something to eat and sat down together to talk. Things weren't a hundred percent fine. But for now I'll take this over ignoring each other.