Forth Beam short stories 2

Chasing you (part 17)

Forth's P.O.V.

I drove straight to my dorm. I was focused on getting back there before breaking down. As soon as I closed the door to my dorm I broke down. I felt this unbearable pain. Just thinking that this may be the end. That I won't see him again. I probably can't even be his friend now. So I felt like I just lost him. I was sitting in the floor feeling like I could die but the tears didn't even come. I heard someone opening my door but I couldn't even be bothered to look up.

"What are you doing there! Get up!" Said Lam. I didn't listen. "Park help me get him up." He said and they both grabbed me making me stand up.

"What are you doing? Just let me sit there! I didn't want to get up!" I said mad trying to get out of their grip. It was no use both of them together were definitely stronger than me.

"Stop it! I'll beat you down if I have to you know it. You can drown in your self pity on your bed at least. Stop sitting on your dirty ass floor." Said Lam before they both basically threw me on the bed. I glared at both of them.

"He seems fine enough. At least physically. I'll text Phana." Said Park finally talking.

"I'm fine! Made it back here in one piece. You can leave now." I said facing away from them.

"Look I get it. You are feeling a lot of things at the same time and the easier way to let it out is anger. But we both know you don't want to fight us." Said Lam putting a hand on my shoulder which I swatted away.

"I. Said. Go. Away." I didn't yell but my words were stern. I didn't want company right now.

"You want to do this the hard way? Because I'm already making an effort to be nice. Don't waste it." Said Lam turning serious too.

"Nice? Just leave me alone." I said and Park sat down next to me patting my back.

"Look I know is hard." Started Park but I interrupted him.

"What would you know! You are a coward." I said pushing him away from my bed. Now both Park and Lam seemed mad. Maybe a fight is what I need to stop feeling this way. I was waiting for one of them to throw the first punch.

"Hard way it is." Said Park and Lam sighed.

"Fine if this is what you want. I told you so." He said and I stood up ready to punch him. But Park held me back already anticipating I was going to be angry.

"I told you he would do this to you. We all knew it was going to happen. You did this to yourself. He is incapable of loving you the way you want him to even if you don't want to hear it." Said Lam standing in front of me with a poker face. Which made me angrier.

"You think I don't know that!" I screamed mad.

"I know you do Forth. Still you don't give up. You can't accept it! You think you can change him. And maybe he will someday. But not right now! And maybe not for you!" Said Lam and that's when the tears came

"I love him Lam. With all of my heart. Why isn't that enough? What is he scared off? If he would just tell me I would ease all of his worries. But he just hurts me. I can't let go. I know he loves me Lam." I said sobbing. Park loosened his grip on me putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sure he does Forth. Is not about that. You already showed him you care and now should be his turn. You can't always give your all while he just gives you crumbs. He's just hurting you. And I know it may not be intentional but you walked away for a reason. You can't always give it all for the both of you. He may love you in his own way but we know it's not enough." He said and I looked down. I know he's right but I just can't accept it.

"Why? We could be happy together. I'm willing to put all my fears aside. I've been hurt so many times by him but I was still there fighting for his love. Didn't that mean anything? I love him. I fucking love him. Why can't he do the same?" I said to no one in particular. I was surprised when Park hugged me and even more when Lam joined.

"You got us. We may not be the most rational or the best at comforting people. But we will be here for you until you are ok again." Said Park this time.

"Thank you guys." I said breaking apart from the hug.

"Anytime you idiot. That's why we're here for." Said Park.

"Plus we owe you for always saving our butts." Said Lam shrugging.

"I knew you needed a reason to be here. It couldn't have been out of the graciousness of your heart." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Of course. What do you think WE actually care about you?" Said Lam and I rolled my eyes.

"I know you do and I'm thankful." I said and they changed the subject. We weren't used to being like this with each other.

They've never been the warmest guys. I didn't think they were coming to comfort me. But here they were. I know they made me cry. It would've been easier to let me be mad. Even to fight with me. But they didn't they made me cry my feelings out. Which we rarely do in front of each other. It's mostly me helping them. But today they were here for me. I was grateful for having them in my life. They may seem cold and uncaring. But when you need them the most they are there for you. I couldn't ask for better friends. I looked at them falling asleep by the couch. They were trying to stay awake with me. I didn't mind them sleeping I wasn't feeling like sleeping. I was tired but I just kept on thinking about Beam even if I didn't want to. Just the thought that he may be crying because of me hurts me even more.