Forth Beam short stories 2

Fall for me instead (part 14)

Beam's P.O.V.

After my talk with Forth I walked back to the house. I wasn't feeling like talking with anyone and I think everyone sensed there was something wrong. Thankfully they all left us alone. Well at least no one came to me. I spent most of the day by myself with my thoughts. Dinner was awkward since no one was talking. That night when I climbed on Yihwas bed no one seemed to be surprised. She didn't say anything just patted me on the back and we went to sleep. I felt emotionally drained so I managed to fall asleep quickly. When I woke up I debated whether I should go down for breakfast or not. In the end I decided I was way too hungry and headed to the dinning room. Forth wasn't there so I just grabbed a plate with some food. After we were done I realized he probably already came and took his breakfast somewhere else.

"Ok I think it's been enough time already. Are you gonna talk about what happened between you and Forth?" Asked Yihwa and I let out a sigh.

"I messed up." I said sadly.

"Why? What did you do? You were saying that while drunk you confessed you like him and I know for a fact that he likes you back. So what's the problem?" She asked.

"I don't want a relationship." I said and she looked at me confused.

"But you like him? You don't even want to try?" She asked.

"What's the point anyway? I already know I don't do relationships. It's better to end this now. If he's hurt when we didn't even get to be something then imagine what it will be like later on." I said.

"What if it it works out though? You could be letting the one your supposed to be with your whole life because you are scared." She said seriously.

"I'm not scared I'm being realistic. Let's start with the fact that I have never been attracted to a man before. Why now? Why him? What if what I'm feeling for him is just because we are stuck here and this place has me feeling some kind of way." I said and she rolled her eyes.

"You slept with Mint and didn't get any feelings for her. You and I have become close here and you don't have feelings for me. That's bullshit Beam. Love is not about the gender. So what if you were never attracted to a man before? That doesn't mean you never will. You have feelings for another person love knows no gender. You like Forth because he is Forth not because he is a man." She said sternly and I felt like I was scolded. But her words touched me deeply.

"But I don't know him outside of here. Even if I accepted having a relationship with him our time here is limited. Outside this house and this island he could be far away from me. If I don't want a normal relationship I would want a long distance one less." I said and she sighed.

"That's just excuses Beam. You can find a way. You are just scared of being happy and I get that. But what if you never find anyone else that makes you feel like him? Are you ok living with that much regret? That you had him and let him go away. Just because you were scared. Life is too short. We all get hurt and happiness is never constant. So why not enjoy it while you can? You can cross any bridge when you get to it. But depriving yourself of trying because everything that could go wrong. That's a sad life. If you think having fun and sleeping around will bring you happiness forever you are in for a long and sad ride my friend. But ultimately is your decision. Just think about it Beam. If we let fear dictate our whole lives then what's the point of anything?" She said.

"I know you are right. What you're saying makes sense. But I don't know, I'm not sure what I want.  I need to figure it out on my own. But thank you for your advice I appreciate it and I will think about it." I said and she nodded giving me a small smile.

"I hope everything turns out alright for you. You know I'm here if you need me for anything." She said giving me a hug and I felt like crying but I held my tears.

"Thank you." I said.

"I will leave you alone but if you want to talk or just want me to keep you company I'll be there." She said and I nodded. After that she left. During the day everyone came by for a little while to chat. But after sending my bad mood they all ended up leaving.

Just like that another day passed. The only person I didn't see today was Forth. I missed him but he needed space. After I created this mess the least I could do is respect that. I laid in bed next to Yihwa for what felt like forever without being able to fall asleep. In the end I decided to get up. I grabbed a blanket and headed to the beach. I sat down on the sand heading the waves crashed. What would've it been like if I had accepted Forth yesterday? I'd probably be happy now. But what's the point in postponing hurt.

"Can't sleep." Said a voice I definitely wasn't expecting to hear.

"No I can't." I said feeling my back tense as he approached. Finally he sat down besides me.

"I couldn't either." He said.

"I'm sorry Forth it's my fault we are in this mess." I said sadly.

"Stop saying sorry Beam. I'm not mad at you. As long as you are true to your feelings it wasn't your fault. You don't owe me anything." He said.

"Still I am. We had something great going on and I messed it up. I wish we could go back to when we were oblivious of our feelings and stay there." I said feeling the tears threatening to fall.

"As you said what the point of that?" He said and I looked down my head hanging low.

"There isn't one." I said. I felt his hand on my shoulder. He was barely touching. He seemed hesitant which made me sad.

"Let's just be friends here how about that? Just not as close as we used to. But we can talk and laugh for a while. As long as we are not uncomfortable with each other. I think we can do it." He said and I nodded.

"I'd like that." I said scoffing closer to him and putting my head on his shoulder.

"Beam." He said.

"We are friends now you can lend me your shoulder for a little while. I'm tired and I can't seem to fall asleep and you are warm and comfortable. So as my friend you should help me." I said and he sighed.

"Just for tonight but we need to set some boundaries." He said wrapping and arm around my shoulder. I just hummed feeling sleepy again. It wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I guess I'll just take a nap until he wakes me up.