Forth Beam short stories 2

Memories (part 3)

Beam's P.O.V.

"Bee." He called me but I was feeling so many emotions. A million thoughts running through my head right now. I couldn't believe it. He touched my hand but I flinched pulling back. I hadn't realize it. That he was carrying that burden. That I hadn't shown him how deep my love was for him. That he hadn't felt as loved and cared for by me as I did from him. I think I felt even more hurt than when he broke up with me. Because it had been my fault too even if I didn't realize it until know.

"You want to know what my answer would have been Forth?" I said glaring at him. I was so angry at everything. He looked down and I continued talking. "That I loved you and I would've chosen you without a doubt in my heart or mind. That being with you had healed all of my wounds. Because the Forth who helped me that day made my world brighter and better. He showed me what real love was not what I thought I was feeling for my friend. That it was so much better. That you made me feel love and care and that I didn't ever want to lose you. That if I had known I would've eased your doubts. That I wish I hadn't failed to show you the same love you gave to me. That I wished I knew at that time that I wasn't being a good partner to you because you had doubts about my love for you." I started angry almost shouting but as I was talking sadness took over. My voice was barely above a whisper by the time I finished. Forth was crying again but I was numb. I didn't even know what to feel.

"We can fix this." He said trying to grab my hand again but I didn't let him. He looked at me scared. "Bee." he tried again and this time he managed to grab my hand pulling me towards him. As my head hit his chest I started crying.

"I'm sorry Forth. I know it's too little too late. But I didn't realize. I swear since I got with you I didn't give a second thought to my feelings for Kit. I thought we were over that the second we got together. I wouldn't have gotten with you if I still had feelings for him. That's why I didn't accept you at the start. Once I realized I had feelings for you and not for Kit I let you in. It didn't even cross my mind you started acting weird at the same time they broke up. I know it's no excuse and I must have done something for you to doubt my love. Maybe I wasn't caring enough or affectionate enough. I don't know but whatever it is that made you doubt I'm sorry for it." I said my chest getting tighter. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

How didn't I notice it sooner? All this time I've been so confused and mad at him. I couldn't figure out the reason he left me. But here it was out in the open now. The sense of relief was minimal though because we were already broken. The realization hit me like a wave. We were not together anymore. He wasn't my Forth. He hasn't been for three long months. I was so wrapped up in my anger at him I hadn't even processed it. I didn't dare look up at him though. My chest felt tighter with every passing second. What now? What comes after this?

"This is not your fault Beam only mine." He said moving his hands to my face so I could look at him. "I was in my head. My insecurities got the best of me. I shouldn't have let anything get in between us but I did. I'm sorry." He said and my heart ached.

We spent a long time processing everything. Only the silence between us. But I found a little bit of comfort amidst all the caos having him here in front of me.

"I should leave." He broke the silence about to stand up.

"No!" I yelled grabbing his wrist. "Not like this I don't want anything happening to you." He was already bruised from whatever fight he was in before coming here. I couldn't bear the thought of something else happening to him.

"I don't think I can be here with you any longer I feel like I'm suffocating." He said softly.

"Didn't you say I was your safe place?" I asked my voice cracking.

"You are." He said without hesitation.

"Then stay." I said firmly and he looked at me surprised.

"Beam." He said and I flinched at the mention of my full name.

"Please. I'm hurt enough knowing I didn't show you how much I cared before. I don't want anything to happen to you on the way to your dorm." I said and he nodded.

"It's not your fault." He said sitting beside me leaning against the wall.

"Then who's fault is it? I was the one who made you doubt my love." I said softly and he grabbed my hand.

"It was my own insecurities Bee. I never thought I would have a chance with you. Then we got together under the weirdest circumstances ever. It messed with my head. You were always a great partner. I was blinded by my insecurities and wanting what's best for you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have shown up here."

"Then why did you?" I asked looking at our intertwined hands.

"It's been three months and you hadn't tried anything with Kit. I guess I realized how stupid I was. I was so mad I got into some stupid fights trying to take my anger out. In the end I just wanted to see you. I've been here a few times today was the first time I had the courage to knock. I just wanted to see you. I've missed you so much." He said sadly. I sighed leaning my head against his shoulder defeated.

"I've missed you too. I hadn't let myself feel it much tho. I was so angry at you for leaving me. I couldn't understand it. Still you were on my mind everyday even if I was telling myself to hate you." I said sadly.

"You should hate me. We could have avoided all this if I hadn't let my insecurities get the best of me. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry I didn't give you an explanation. I'm sorry for doubting your love. I'm sorry for everything even if it's too late." He said.

In that moment I just felt physically and mentally drained. This was not what I was expecting. I didn't reply anymore. I just squeezed his hand and stared straight ahead. We stayed like that no one saying anything but not letting go of each other. Just like that we fell asleep leaning against the wall holding each other. When night came again we were both puffy eyed and heart broken. Forth helped me stand up.

"Now what?" He asked his voice hoarse after all the crying.

"I really don't know Forth." I said.

A.N.

Well Wattpad is as unreliable as me when it comes to updating! I scheduled a few chapter again but again it didn't work. I've been really busy. I'm working two jobs trying to get some money cuz I'm a broke bitch what can I say. At the end of the day I'm so tired that I just sleep to go to work the next day. Anyways I will try to come back here every few days to update what I already have. Which is not much since I haven't had time to write anything. Anyway it's a new year let's see what it brings us. This is already chapter 119 and Wattpad only allows for 200 chapters on one story. So that meansss that this book is ending in the near future I'm still thinking if I should do a third one? I don't know we will see. That's all for now. Thanks for reading and take care!